Almost Again.

I don't know how we started talking again. But we did.

I felt like everything was finally settling and that it was safe to be me again. With you around, I could be free.

We were talking every single day, all day. I can still hear your deep voice echoing in my thoughts. I can still feel your hand on my back at the grocery store.

You made an everlasting impression on my soul.

But you choose her.

I know we weren't dating. Yet, we cuddled and talked as if we were. You spoke as if I was a possibility of us together.

That was my problem, I should have came out right and asked you. And you should out right told me, you still had feelings for her.

If I would have known, I wouldn't open myself up like I did.

I would have told you to go after her. I never want you or another person to hesitate between me and another. Choose them. Instead of allowing me to feel safe and hopeful, then tear it all down because you can't be honest. Not only to me but to yourself.

You told me in a text, the old bullshit excuse. "It's not you, but me."

I love the little spin you added, "I enjoyed getting to know you and spending time with you, but I still have feelings for her."

You said, "I know were we aren't dating but I feel like I owe it to you to tell you."

Why do you feel like you owe it to me? Maybe because you confessed, You're draw to me and don't know why? Or you haven't be able to talk to someone like you have with me? Or is it the way we cooked together and cuddled?

I'm not as heart broken as I would have been a year or so ago. But I am hurt. It's a weird different kind of hurt that I can't explain. Our connection was given a 2nd chance but it wasn't a full on relationship again. It's like something snapped in me.

I am grateful that I didn't sleep with you because I know this would be more painful. How can you talk to someone everyday and just stop like this wasn't something. Nope, just silence. Nothing. Like we weren't even friends. Not even seeing your name pop up on my Instagram view story list. It's only been a few days and I miss you already. My mind wonders to where you are. Are you sitting on the same spot on your couch? Is she sitting where I sat? Playing your favorite band while your show is on?

Realizing now, I wanted you permanently but you wanted me only temporarily. You became a safe place for me but what was I to you? I'm too scared to ask this. I don't want to disturb the peace you're in at the moment. Even though you disturbed my peace, I still wish you well.

Because of you..

I know myself better. I know what I deserve. I know what I want in a partner. That isn't it. I now know, you were one of the many lessons I needed to learn to become this beautiful amazing person I can be for the right person. Now, I have a love hate thing with the saying " Right person, wrong time." Because if the person was the right one, then there would be no wrong time. Timing has it's reasoning. You were there at the right time, for the right reason.

Being completely done being someone's option, I'm the choice. I choose me..