A New Phoenix

It was there again, the fear and anxiety of what the new day would bring.

Yet, Maghogney took a deep breath, ending it with a smile.

Shy she always was, but there was a dark side that she had to control into almost nothing.

Who could blame her. Still, her close friends did not understand how she mastered each day.

Truth is,if she let the fire inside her run free, she’d be the one, no one would admire.

From a young age, her elders told her that seeing an owl, was an intuitive development. Quite often, she was told she had an old soul, that had once been here before.

So, when she saw the big barn owl at midnight, she knew this linked to destruction of her life.

At six years old she was the true epitome of a daddy’s girl. Being that she was the eldest daughter she held a special spot in her fathers heart, so much that he spoke to her like a best friend. At the time, he trusted her with his greatest secret. He looked right into her almond shaped eyes then said, “I’m going to take mommy’s life.” She blinked with confusion. “I’m going to kill your mother. Then you, your sister and I are going to run away.”

One would think how could a six year old understand the true meaning of murder. Maghogney however, saw his slow relax movements. The most important thing she noticed was the anger and pain in his eyes. She knew he meant it and at that point she thought it was her duty to prevent the outcome.

She failed!

Being too young to stay up all night, she was awoken to the deadly gunshots.

There sat a barn owl in the tree watching as if it recorded the whole scene. A single hoot from the owl, she knew then her mother had crossed over to the spiritual realm. She watched the owl fly away even while she heard the demands from her father to come with her. For two months she went mute, life was pointless to her.

Yet, she had a little sister who was oblivious to reality. Maghogney decided to come to terms with the situation in order to show affection to her.

Now 17 years later, in present day, it was as if all that suppressed pain had come to surface. Her fire inside at the beginning of the day started as a slow burn. By evening, it was as if she had a temperature of 104.

Being that it was close to the end of fall, she step outside to let the cool breeze calm her.

“Hoo” “Hoo”

Another barn owl in a tree.

She didn’t know what imminent ruin was to be next in this chapter of her life.

She took a moment outside to herself to reminisce on the moments she had with her mother. It was consistent heartache to not have the woman who brought you into this world to run to. Gratefully, she had understanding that everything is connected, so in that sense her mother was not far from her.

Every time she felt the whole world had come down on her, a stranger would say calming words that her mother would use. In the same breath, she still struggled with abandonment issues.

Maghogney sat there and replayed the moment the police dragged her father out, that traumatic night. Not only was her mother never to return but her father was gone as well. She didn’t understand what jail meant at only six years old but knew her safe haven had been shattered.

It resonated at that moment she created a fire wall within herself to block out emotions. All relationships have been a struggle because of this, constant fear that one day her lover would choose to kill her. At times she wished it would just happen.

The inner fire inside her steamed like boiling water in a tea kettle. Maghogney screamed at the barn owl. “Why are you here?”

“What do you want to destroy now?”

It was as if the owl heard her by giving a smirk. An enlightenment had came over Maghogney.

She was exactly where she needed to be, doing what was destine of her...shedding pain.

For too long she held onto this key of her past. For too long she faked the smile. She needed to break, release and acknowledged.

Maghogney was on the path of her new journey and this time the owl was going to watch her fly.