Full Circle

It’s 1:39 in the morning and I’m sitting here with no tears running down my face, with no pain in heart, only confusion in my mind. The only similar tie that I had once upon a time.

Here in my home I have a woman that is all mine, there’s no doubt about it. The relationship is simple as the days come and go.

I know in few months she will propose.

But you see that’s easy!

In my mind, it already happened, it’s my life and I don’t want to be captain

I want to run into the sea and let the seagulls guide me away

I want to roam with the elephants as if I couldn’t be trampled one day.

I want to learn how to breathe even after stung by a bee.

I want to suck the maple right from the tree.

I want the romance that I can’t determine you see.

But as I sit here now past 1:39, I think about the time you were almost mine.

Anxiety in my heart, tears of joy in my eyes. Your alcoholic ways turned into such fun times.

However,it was reality killing you inside.

THE SWITCH BETWEEN YOU AND I

When we dated we decided to get to know one another in the slowest way possible. In these moments it felt like I was a kid again. We ran to eat Dip’n Dot’s at any amusement park. We sit up for hours conversing random thoughts. Our ambition was similar, same goals aligned. I really believed I found the one this time. I could be spontaneous and a bit rash sometimes. Then,since we were only dating, there was “her.” The one who you always complained about, the one who made you distant. That girl really made me start to feel like the mistress. All because she was a lot more persistent. I been down this road before... I was waiting on the speech “I’m such a good girl and deserve so much more,” Ohhhh how UNIQUE 🙄!!!

nothing was simple, everything was complicated.

Yet, the confusion in my mind did not have you figured out this time.

You had her and I, both of us had crossed the, “just dating line.”

For some reason it was hard for you to decide.

Go for the girl who hardly showed emotion inside or maybe the one who was crazy, welll, all the time.

I thought I told you what you needed, when I arrived at your doorstep, that night.

I thought I showed you what you needed,when I, mailed you that letter one time.

Yet, this was your life and my decision, was to move on with mine.

I found someone. Someone to replace you.

She didn’t want to take things slow with me. She had every intention on placing that ring.Then suddenly you just had to intervened. You made a mistake you say.

My mind screamed, I was so through with you.

Rage came rushing in.

Answering your phone call. SIN! SIN! SIN!

How dare you not choose, the one you said you didn’t want to lose? How dare, you let me walk away from you ? So what, it only took me a week to move on, away from you. It wasn’t really me forgetting you.

Two years past, still same feelings for you.

Oh how I missed the taste from you. Your smile, your touch, the habits that make it all true.

The devil on my shoulder finally got a win. No regrets next morning remembering all what we did.

Now here we sit at 2:32, now wearing one of each other’s shoe, wondering which reality I will choose.