A Letter to My Best Friend

It’s a spectacular thing to love someone so dearly, so much so that you choose heartbreak. I know we are choosing to let go of each other out of the truest love in our hearts for matters much out of our control. I am so fortunate to have known such love with the most sincerity that we choose heartbreak, knowing we cannot give what the other needs but wanting foremost the ultimate happiness for the other. My heart aches knowing I cannot give you what you dream of, so I am choosing the second-best thing, stepping aside to leave room for that dream to find you.

We spent a week comforting each other as the pieces of the hearts we grew together fell away, and we had to reposition those fragments in a new light. We cried a lot, feeling every emotion so deeply. I believe that emotions are given to us as a gift of life and are meant to be experienced in the most authentic way so that we can embrace and balance every emotion we face. Most won’t understand why we are choosing to separate when we love one another so intensely. Others won’t understand what remains and prevails at the root and end of our relationship before all else, is friendship. Even less won’t understand why we spent a week separating, together, for each other. I suppose that is okay, they aren’t feeling the emotions we carry. As much as the pain aches, I offer sorrowful regret that they have yet to experience a love so gallant that is worth such pain to let go and to let go with pure love.

While we spent the weekend untangling the tangibles of our home together, we are now tasked to untangle the formidable twine of our lives. A feat seemingly cruel in its nature when two lives once felt so aligned. In the last week, I’ve cried more than these 4-bedroom walls can contain, yet here I am, tearful once again. It wasn’t until I realized we would be leaving our regular volleyball pick-up night separately to separate homes that reality stole the air right out of my breath and filled it with a crisp ache. And so, I followed the road home alone just as the tears followed my cheekbones, offering my tears to the wind of the cold night and my sobs to the chorus of evening singers of the swamps and trees. I cried, not quite in mourning of our relationship but out of missing my best friend the most. The empty car somehow got emptier without your phone call, and my mind filled with all the things I thought of telling you during the day. One full day apart, and I already have lengthy hours worth of things to tell you, nothing seemingly minuscule because I just wanted to share it all with you. It’s strange noticing what will tip you into the spiral of yearning. From standing in line at our favorite restaurant, knowing we have stood in the same spot countless times, or reaching for my toothbrush to find yours not next to mine. It’s even more strange to realize how much you miss the things that used to urk you endlessly. Before you know it, the thoughts of every missed opportunity for just one more hug creep in with the reminder weight of what is no longer. So, tonight, I gave my words for you to the stars, speaking to the universe that holds us close, knowing the very air that embraces us will always be ours to share. I miss you, I love you, and so, I let you go.