Jade Haumann
Bio
I am but a borrowed body trying to remember life and love. I write to untangle my thoughts in hopes of finding my way to my true self. My mind focuses on cultural identity, purpose, character, mental health, relationships, and nature.
Stories (6)
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The race between me... and panic
Colon, parentheses. What do I mean? What do I feel? It feels like my inner body rattles, and I’m unsure if it's real. Im unsure if my actual body is rattling, can people see me shaking? My friend sits next to me as I desperately suck crisp cold night air into my lungs, hoping that every breath forces greater space between me and the lingering panic attack. Can they feel my body rattling as they sit by my side?
By Jade Haumann2 years ago in Psyche
Finding Acceptance After Miscarriage. Content Warning.
If you have read my other post, "They Didn't Tell Me," you already know that last year I experienced a traumatic miscarriage. Since then, I’ve had to learn to accept that the healing journey is long and is sort of like a game of Shoots & Ladders rather than a straight shot where every day is another step ahead. There will be days when the memories are haunting, and you are easily triggered by the simplest of things, so you feel a giant setback in healing, but there also will be days when you feel beautifully present and simply grateful for life, so you feel like you just landed on a ladder, bringing you ten paces ahead in healing. In the past month, I feel like I have landed on the biggest ladder forward, and I think it's time to reflect.
By Jade Haumann2 years ago in Families
Reflections on the Balance of Life
I recorded my thoughts this morning, and now it is the evening of the same day. I decided to sit in one of my favorite spots in my yard, next to the lonely oak tree where my first pet, Jellybean (a rabbit), is buried, to record a visual for the audio I recorded in the YouTube video linked above (I recommend listening to my morning reflection before continuing to read.) I took the opportunity of being isolated from my phone to simply observe my surroundings. It’s silly now that I think about how this was once my regular activity as a kid, no technology, just the wonder of the world outside, but now it’s an oddity for me to slow down enough to observe the universe that exists in the grass where I sit.
By Jade Haumann3 years ago in Psyche
Finding yourself as an Indigenous person diagnosed with ADHD.
It’s such a strange concept, ADHD, it’s one that I am still getting used to and, ever more so still trying to understand. I only got diagnosed last year, after practically begging my treaty-promised healthcare provider to see a psychiatrist then to only have to convince the dismissive doctor that I deserved to be evaluated. I had already had the inclination that I was, in fact, symptomatic of ADHD tendencies, and I thought the diagnosis would offer relief in the sense of validation. In a way it did, but it also led to a whole new world I was not prepared for.
By Jade Haumann3 years ago in Psyche
They didn't tell me. . Top Story - June 2023. Content Warning.
Content Warning: Miscarriage The entire experience seems so unnatural. It feels like it should never happen, and yet it happens a lot, with little discussion. I never heard many, or maybe any, conversations about miscarriage. That is until it happened to me. Suddenly it seemed that every woman older than me in my life had at least one miscarriage, some more times than one could even fathom.
By Jade Haumann3 years ago in Families
A Letter to My Best Friend
It’s a spectacular thing to love someone so dearly, so much so that you choose heartbreak. I know we are choosing to let go of each other out of the truest love in our hearts for matters much out of our control. I am so fortunate to have known such love with the most sincerity that we choose heartbreak, knowing we cannot give what the other needs but wanting foremost the ultimate happiness for the other. My heart aches knowing I cannot give you what you dream of, so I am choosing the second-best thing, stepping aside to leave room for that dream to find you.
By Jade Haumann3 years ago in Confessions
