15 things I don’t miss about office

One morning in February 2020 when the weather was beautiful and the pigeons were circling the clouds while I was closing the windows and pulling the curtains, I paused and wondered if I should call in sick at work and stay home to admire the view and enjoy my limited time on earth.

15 months of working from home and admiring the view, I have made up my mind.

I am never going back to office.

Here are 15 things I especially don’t miss about office-

1. The pants and the bra that I wore like uniform.

Nobody needs those two garments in life. Breathe in, breathe out.

2. The HR coaxing me to ‘voluntarily participate’ in office events

Later when I declined, she asked me if I was enjoying work. Of course I was enjoying work, so much that I had no time to use my bandwidth for anything else, I told her. She said she understood. I had successfully escaped an interrogation.

3. The colleague saying ‘ let’s connect sometime after work’.

I say it back and she says it back and the cycle continues for eons because neither of us means it.

4. Not being able to take naps after lunch

Or not being able to put my legs on the table (especially after lunch)

5. The ‘good morning, have a nice day’

.....when I would have rather stayed in bed or any place other than my workstation which was right near the entrance.

6. The colleague who asked me if I had enough work to fill my time.

I wish I had said ‘no’ instead recounting every item on my to-do list that I had just invented.

7. The colleague who said she got a headache because I was swirling in my chair.

Why else would chairs have that functionality! And I hadn't even used the wheels!

8. The colleague who asked me if I had washed my hands with soap after using the restroom because she couldn’t hear the tap run long enough.

(Fun Fact- This was the same colleague from point 6 and 7) Had I washed my hands with soap? None of your business.

9. My manager asking me if I want to go for a short walk and have a coffee with her

...only to have work dumped on me. Did I mention that for those 15 minutes I had to pretend to have done things that I hadn't even started?

10. Answering the dreaded question – How was your weekend? What did you do?

- when you did absolutely nothing and just caught up on chores! Once I made the mistake of telling people this and the next weekend, I was invited to a after-work party. Making up an excuse, I said- next time and the next time, I had a bucket load of excuses stacked up and my running shoes on, just in case.

11. Wondering if the other team is laughing at me when they are giggling in the corner.

I did not assume this randomly. Just an hour before, we had had a surprise ‘alignment’ meeting with them where my manager had pushed some deadline I had asked them to meet urgently (my manager was in perfect alignment with the urgency, and with me before).

12. The constant disturbances

Some one is either opening the door or closing it, someone is either speaking on the phone or doesn’t want to (their phone keeps on ringing), someone (mostly the HR) has an announcement to make, someone has got cake, someone is coughing if not laughing- THIS LIST DOESN'T END

13. Keeping Time

Watch the time you come at and watch the time you leave. If YOU don’t, there will always be someone else watching this. Pro tip- If you want to break the unspoken rules and still not be in the radar, it is advisable to stay late than to come in early.

14. Asking people to increase the temperature of the room

Or shivering because I had forgotten to carry my sweater.

15. The house party a colleague invited me to on my first day

When I asked her what it was for, she told me that she organized it only because everyone insisted her to throw one. No, I did not go to that one, I felt uninvited enough to not go for any house parties hereafter.

15 months of looking at the clouds and sometimes at the 15 pigeons, I've come to a conclusion that no, I don't miss office. At all.