10 Behaviors You Should Never Accept In Your Relationship

We talk a lot about emotional boundaries, which are the lines that you draw around the behavior and treatment that you will (and won’t) accept from the people around you.

At times, they’re the most difficult to maintain in an intimate relationship, because emotions run high, judgment can become cloudy, and we can “let things slide” that we know we shouldn’t.

Below, we’ll discuss some behaviors that throw up major red flags and should violate even the most forgiving person’s boundaries.

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1: Repeated broken promises

A promise, I believe, should only be made with the clear intention of being kept, but I understand that life can get in the way, circumstances change, and sometimes things that are outside of our control can prevent us from following through on something we said we’d do.

I say this because I understand that life happens, and not every broken promise is an act of betrayal or disloyalty.

However, if you find that a person is repeatedly and consistently falling short of the things they’ve promised you, are always finding reasons why they “can’t,” are regularly pushing you down their list of priorities…then you really need to start asking yourself how seriously they are taking you and the relationship you’re building together.

If a person is genuinely sorry for going back on their word, you’ll clearly see them trying to make it up to you or do something to express this remorse. If it’s a pattern, though, and no solution is ever provided — it’s time to push the emotion aside and understand that people like this will just continue taking advantage of your good nature…until you stop allowing them to.

2: Making you feel badly about yourself in public OR in private.

A partner who habitually undermines your confidence—through mocking comments (“You’re overreacting”), belittling jokes, or nitpicking flaws—erodes your self-worth. This includes public humiliation (eye-rolling at your ideas in front of others) or private cruelty (“Why can’t you be more like…?”).

Why it’s toxic: It normalizes disrespect, isolates you, and chips away at your self-esteem.

What to do:

Name it: “Your comment hurt me.”

Set a boundary: “I won’t tolerate being mocked.”

Walk away if it continues.

Remember: Love shouldn’t shrink you—it should make you feel safe and valued. If they won’t stop, you stop tolerating it.

3: Manipulation or Gaslighting

A partner who twists reality to make you doubt your perceptions, memory, or sanity is eroding your trust in yourself. Gaslighting might sound like: “You’re overreacting,” “That never happened,” or “You’re too sensitive.” Manipulation could involve guilt-tripping (“If you loved me, you’d…”) or leveraging your vulnerabilities to control you. Over time, this behavior shrinks your confidence and traps you in self-doubt. Healthy relationships thrive on clarity and honesty—not mind games.

What to do: Trust your gut. Keep a journal to fact-check situations. If they dismiss your concerns as “crazy,” reconsider their role in your life.

4: Disrespectful Communication

Name-calling, sarcasm meant to wound, eye-rolling, or belittling your opinions (“That’s a stupid idea”) are not “jokes.” Respect is non-negotiable, even during disagreements. If your partner mocks your passions, interrupts constantly, or talks down to you, they’re not treating you as an equal. Love should never include contempt.

What to do: Calmly name the behavior (“It hurts when you speak to me like that”). If they deflect or repeat it, enforce consequences (e.g., ending the conversation).

5: Controlling Behavior

Dictating who you see, what you wear, or how you spend your time crosses a line. This includes monitoring your phone, isolating you from friends/family, or demanding constant check-ins. Control often masquerades as “concern” (“I just worry about you!”), but it’s about power, not care. You deserve autonomy.

What to do: Refuse to justify basic choices (“I’m going out tonight—I’ll text when I’m home”). If they escalate (threats, anger), seek support immediately.

6: Dishonesty or Secrecy

White lies about small things (“I forgot to text”) can snowball into betrayal. Worse is secrecy: hidden social media accounts, unexplained absences, or financial deception. A relationship without transparency breeds paranoia. You shouldn’t feel like a detective in your own love life.

What to do: Address patterns early (“I’ve noticed you’re vague about where you’ve been”). If they deflect or gaslight, question their commitment to rebuilding trust.

7: Neglect or Emotional Withdrawal

Silent treatment, dismissiveness (“I don’t care—do what you want”), or indifference to your needs signals emotional abandonment. A partner who stonewalls during conflict or withholds affection is starving the relationship of connection. Love requires active participation.

What to do: Express how their withdrawal affects you (“When you shut down, I feel alone”). If they refuse to engage, ask: Is this sustainable?

8: Unwillingness to Grow or Compromise

Relationships evolve—but only if both people do. Red flags include: refusing to attend therapy, dismissing your concerns as “nagging,” or insisting their way is the only way (“This is just who I am”). Stagnancy breeds resentment.

What to do: Set growth-oriented goals together (“Let’s try a communication workshop”). If they resist, ask yourself: Am I settling for less than I deserve?

9: Physical or Verbal Aggression

Shoving, hitting, “playful” slaps, or threats (“You’ll regret this”) are abuse—full stop. So is screaming, breaking objects, or intimidation. Violence escalates. The first incident is always the easiest to leave.

What to do: Leave. Contact a trusted friend, family member, or domestic violence hotline. Your safety is non-negotiable.

10: Contempt or Mockery

The most toxic predictor of relationship failure, according to research, is contempt—sneering, sarcasm, or eye-rolling that conveys disgust. Mocking your dreams, career, or values (“You’ll never succeed at that”) kills intimacy. You can’t build a life with someone who doesn’t respect you.

What to do: Call it out (“That comment felt demeaning”). If they double down, it’s time to walk away.

Final Thoughts

Boundaries aren’t walls—they’re the foundation of mutual respect. If your partner consistently crosses these lines, it’s not a “rough patch.” It’s a warning. You teach people how to treat you by what you tolerate.

Ask yourself: Does this relationship inspire me to grow, or shrink to fit someone else’s demands?

If this resonated, highlight the points that hit home or share your story below. Your courage might help someone else reclaim theirs.