000 - Introductions?

Let me start by saying one thing, one absolute rule to always follow when working with me - I genuinely know nothing, and everything I say I do know I know because I have experienced it. This means I am the worst example to follow, and above all else I must always ask - never emulate my stupidity. You can learn a lot more by watching someone piss on the electric fence than by doing it - I've tried both.

In the end, what am I? That is the ultimate question that has fueled my four decades. I am filled with an unrelenting need to know who and what I am. In my childhood and into my youth this was displayed in a uniquely outward imagination and shaping the reality inside of me into mythical ways outside of me. In my later years I realize it's all just words to express emotions and being, Shaka when the walls fell and all that kind of stuff. When you understand the language that another is working with, it becomes infinitely easier to actually communicate with them. Language, or at the very least patterns, lend a strong hand to comprehension of the unknown.

To this end I put myself out into the world in an attempt to find something resembling truth. Along the way I wrote a few short stories, dabbled with poetry, and at one point even got myself into believing I could write a screen play. Maybe I'll do it all again now that I'm older and possibly better, or maybe it'll just become the mad writings on the tenement walls. Regardless, it might be fun, and that's what someone tells me life is all about. When you can go out and capture an experience, or at the very least share space that makes you feel fuller than before, then you are truly living life. Sometimes we make these things happen through excursions into the wild, sometimes a wild filled with music and colour. Sometimes we curl up with the words written on paper or screen, and allow them to create something within us. It really is personal choice that decides how we satisify our deepest needs and cravings.

So lets see if we can add a little bit of wonder into this little corner of the internet, shall we? I'm going to go with Bob for a name here, and most of the other names you see will be changed as well. Fair is fair, even though mine is probably too obvious. I'm a firm believer in each person's autonomy, to the level of demanding each be given their right to vote on local government actions, and an inversion of government wherein the munincipal provides direction to the national. I have witnessed too much that has no explanation to assume that science in the current format can define everything, and as such I give strong allowance to spiritual or religious walks, so long as there is clear pattern to their design. A person can be defined in ways that we have not even begun to scratch upon, and while my personal beliefs may involve understanding a relationship between the internal you and the external you that may be more complicated than simple symbiosis, I am not at liberty to speak to everyone's experience on this matter. Oh, and love whoever you want to love, so long as that love is equal; That truth should be obvious.

I'm great with people, and horrible at keeping friends. I have no family - partially by choice, partially not my own. I am a deeply damaged person, with a fragmented psych even before the PTSD was added. Most days I think I've grown incapable of feeling love or loved, but most days I am a firm worshipper of the ideals of hope. I know exactly what I've done that I deserve to be dragged over coals for, and I will accept that from those people should they ever decide to. But I flatly declare - I've never killed any human, and I've never forcibly violated free will. Missteps otherwise are something else we will discuss at length sometime, regrettably sooner than later due to my capacity for learning the hard way.

Being that I am deeply flawed I have come to believe that honesty is the best policy. In the end, that's all this will be - a small part autobiography, a medium part creative writing and prose, and a smattering of poetry and musings to fill out all the cracks. If nothing else, it might be a nice station to stop by at for some, and that is all that we can ask to offer in this crazy mad world we all call home.