Stop saying it doesn't matter, you actually do mind

For a while, my catchphrase was: "It doesn't matter."

When others are late, I say it doesn't matter;

When friends borrow money and don't pay it back, I say it doesn't matter;

When I am ordered beyond my boundaries at work, I still say it doesn't matter.

But it's not that I don't care, I just don't dare to show that I care.

I am afraid that others don't like me, afraid of conflicts, afraid of being alienated after saying "no". So, I always choose to be tolerant, suppress my dissatisfaction in my heart, and try to be a "likeable person".

Have you ever felt this way?

Obviously very tired, but dare not refuse a friend's invitation;

Obviously very disgusted with something, but forced myself to smile and cater to it;

Obviously hurt, but still comfort the person who hurt you.

This is not gentleness, but a kind of "passive self-erasure".

I really realized the problem when a friend said inadvertently one day: "You always agree to everything. I don't have to worry about being rejected when I am with you. It's quite easy."

At that moment, I suddenly felt sad-

The "harmony" I tried hard to maintain was just "you won't refuse" in the eyes of others.

I realized that I was not building relationships at all, but forcing myself to live the way others wanted me to.

This is the trap of the "people-pleasing personality": on the surface, you are smooth and easy to get along with, but in your heart you are anxious, aggrieved and unspeakable repression.

You think you are protecting the relationship, but in fact you are sacrificing yourself.

Coming out is a slow process.

I began to practice saying "no", even if my voice trembled;

I began to express dissatisfaction instead of forcing a smile;

I began to ask myself first: "Do I really want to do this?"

The first time I rejected someone, I felt so guilty that I couldn't sleep all night;

The second time I expressed my emotions, I found that the other party was not as disappointed as I thought;

Gradually, I learned that a real relationship should not be built on "patience", but on "being seen".

We always think that "being liked" is a value, but in fact "being understood" is the confidence.

I hope you can live gently and firmly, no longer feel aggrieved or cooperate.

You don't live for anyone, you have the right to choose a comfortable and true way of expression.

Getting out of flattery is a reconciliation with yourself - tell yourself who is always humble: you can be unpleasant and still deserve to be loved. 📌 Thank you for reading. If you are going through a similar stage, I hope you know: you are not alone. Welcome to leave a message or share your story, let's grow together. ❤️ 🔗 I will continue to update more content about emotions, growth and inner repair, welcome to follow me.