Before It Ends

As I entered my mom's bedroom, it was dark and hard to see with her dark blinds up keeping the light out from the windows. I tried to turn her light on but it wasn't working, so I turned my phone flashlight on and shined it towards the bed. I saw my mom laying there with her eyes wide open, fear in her eyes as she looked straight ahead above her, her body was stiff as a board like she couldn't move.

“MOM!? Are you okay??”

I said as I ran to her in a panic, she wasn't moving or responding at all, as I ran to the windows and opened her blinds so that I could see what was going on fully.

The light from outside shined in and illuminated the room, as soon as the light hit my mother, she gasped for air, coughing and jumping up from the bed, collapsing on the floor while crying.

“Mom! Mom! Are you okay??”

I said as I rushed to her side and knelt down next to her, grabbing against her shoulders as she looked up at me and then grabbed me desperately, pulling me to a hug as she cried against my shoulder.

She continued sobbing and gasping as she tried to speak but nothing she said made sense through the wails and cries muffled against my shoulder. After about 10 minutes she finally began to calm down as her cries slowed and her breathing began to regulate. She pulled back from me and faked a smile as I looked at her, I could still see the terror in her eyes even though she was trying to hide it.

“I'm okay, Sage, it was just a bad nightmare, Honey. I'm so sorry I scared you.”

She said while she started to get up from the floor and began to wipe her eyes from the sweat and tears.

“Mom... that was NOT a nightmare. What the hell was going on?? I saw you, you were wide awake and you were like... paralyzed!”

I said demanding answers from her while both her and I were still shaking in fear over what had happened.

“I can't... I just can't tell you, Sage. I'm sorry... I just... I don't want this to come for you next... so it's best that you don't know anything about it, Honey... I'm sorry, I'm okay though, just let's forget this.”

She said while trying to convince herself that she was fine, even though the opposite was written all over her face.

I knew she wasn't going to answer me, as she faked another smile and got up from the bed, then went into the bathroom saying she was going to shower and get dressed to start the day. I knew whatever happened, it had to do with whatever “The Shadow” was, because she was screaming asking me if I had seen it just an hour before. What the hell was this “Shadow” and what was it doing to my mom?

I decided to reach out to my Aunt Mina, since she was the “family gossip” and knew the most about our family members, which meant if there were any skeletons in closets, she probably knew about them. I knew that my mom didn't want me talking to Aunt Mina though, since they were going through another one of their estrangements for the last several months. I waited until my mom left for work and then I called, and tried to see what information I could get without letting Aunt Mina know why I was calling.

“Sage? Is everything Ok?”

Aunt Mina answered the phone with question and concern in her voice as I quickly reassured her that I was fine.

“Hi Aunt Mina! Oh yeah! Everything is okay, I just am... I mean, I know you and mom are not exactly on talking terms right now but I have this HUGEEEE project for school that is coming due soon and... it's about family history and everything and you know that's not a subject mom likes to talk about sooooo I was hoping...”

I responded while hinting around what I needed her help with and hoping she would be willing despite her issues with my mom currently.

“Oh sure Honey, I can help as long as it won't cause an issue with your mom.”

Aunt Mina answered with a little bit of glee in her voice over pulling one over on my mom despite her insistence that she doesn't want to cause a problem with her.

“It won't, I promise! Mom's at the store so we can talk now no problems... let me get my notes...”

I said quickly as I tried to think about how to go about getting the answers I needed from her without raising suspicion.

“Okay Honey... I know you know the basics about how many of us aunts and uncles there are in the family and you know how your grandparents met... I think you know most everything that I can tell you honestly...”

Aunt Mina stated as she already began to backtrack her desire to help since she knew my mom likely wouldn't find out about the call.

“Yeah.. I mean, like I know all of that stuff, but okay so this paper is about family trauma and... like.... breaking the cycle of generational curses... and I know there's a lot of stuff that I don't know about especially like with Aunt Renee and stuff.... like I know you and mom have had a complicated relationship but I don't really understand why... and well I mean... it honestly seems like EVERYONE in the family just about... has a complicated relationship with my mom... and I remember everyone had the same stuff with Aunt Renee before she died... but I don't really understand why... I guess that's what I'm wanting to find out more about...”

I spun the words while hoping that Aunt Mina would not immediately shut me down for bringing up Aunt Renee.

“What? Curses?? What curses?? There's no curses on the family! What has you stupid mother told you??? There is no shadow!!!”

Aunt Mina defensively shouted at me and I knew immediately that she was terrified over whatever this “shadow” was too.

“What? Aunt Mina... I didn't say curse like supernatural stuff... I mean generational curses like... you know, things... habits and stuff that like, each generation learns and does but they're not exactly good things? You know?? But wait... like... what did you mean by “there is no shadow”?? What's the shadow??”

I tried to press her to get an answer since she had brought it up but I knew I was treading on a thin line based on her reaction when she thought I was asking about the shadow.

“Oh... generational... umm yeah I don't know... Honey this is just not a good subject with our family... I'm sorry, I just don't think this is something to talk about... I should go before your mom gets home and catches you talking to me...”

Aunt Mina responded while quickly attempting to end the conversation and avoid answering anything.

“Aunt Mina, wait... please? I need to know... what is the shadow??? Please! It's important...”

I pressed with fear and urgency in my voice while trying to keep her from hanging up.

“Sage... has you mom said anything to you about it?? I need to know now... has something happened, Honey??”

Aunt Mina pressed as her voice deepened while still having a slight urgency in it but more fear than anything else.

“I just... I need to know Aunt Mina... please... what can you tell me about the shadow and Aunt Renee?”

I pleaded with her for answers while trying to avoid letting her know what happened since I knew she would go straight to my mom over it.

“Sage... Look... the shadow is nothing but a manifestation of your mom's guilt... if you let her fear and ranting over it get to you then it sucks you in and you start to imagine things that are not real. It was just... it's really stupid honestly Honey...”

Aunt Mina answered nervously, as her voice trembled while she spoke.

“Please... just tell me what it's about, Aunt Mina... what started the whole thing? I just need to know... please?”

I pleaded with her for answers hoping that once I had them, it would help me to help my mom.

“Okay... I'll tell you what I know, Sage, but... again honey, this is all something that started in your mom's head... I can't even remember when it started but it was back years ago when we were kids... your Aunt Renee, bless her soul... she was troubled, you know that, Sage. We all tried to help her but she fought against us and she just... she struggled so much with her mental health. I know that you saw her through young eyes and to you, she was your favorite Aunt and you loved her... and that's good, Honey.

You were the one light she had in her life. I think that's why this “shadow” has been affecting your mom so much, her guilt over keeping Aunt Renee from seeing you those few weeks before she died. Your mom knows that if she hadn't kept you from seeing Renee... then well... I'm sorry to put it like this Honey, but, if your mom hadn't kept you away from Renee those last weeks.... she would still be alive today... I'm sorry to say it like that Honey but...”

Aunt Mina bluntly explained while also taking advantage of that moment to take a shot at my mother.

“Stop! Just stop it, okay?? Look... I don't know what went on with my mom and Aunt Renee back then... I know that mom had her reasons though and I don't need you trying to put your assumptions in my head by badmouthing my mom... all I want to know is about the shadow... Okay??”

I cut Aunt Mina off as my voice stood firm, demanding answers from her without her adding in her assumptive two-cents.

“Sorry Honey... I'm just saying what I know... but if you don't want to hear it then fine, you'll learn soon enough about your mom...”

Aunt Mina said defensively before she continued as she heard me sigh frustratingly into the phone.

“All I know is when we were kids, Renee struggled a lot with her mental health and she would see things... like hallucinations or something. She would say she was talking to spirits and she really got into devil worshipping stuff like witchcraft and Ouija boards. Your mom said that Renee told her she put a curse on the family... a curse that would bring darkness to us the same way we brought darkness to Renee basically.

Look, Sage... it was just a story that Renee told your mom to scare her into giving her the bigger bedroom and candy, basically whatever she wanted from your mom. It wasn't real but your mom isn't exactly a picture of stability and with the pot she smoked growing up... she hallucinated too and said she saw a shadow standing over her bed and she wouldn't be able to move or talk or anything... she said it would try to drag her under the bed sometimes too but it was all just her hallucinating from drugs or drinking. I know this because the only times I've ever felt something like that come to me, it was after I partied with your mom and she got it into my head and so then I would hallucinate too.... but it's not real. Ok? There is no shadow, no curse, and your mom really needs help.”

Aunt Mina explained, her voice trying to sound strong but instead coming off as unconvinced of her own statements.

“Has anyone else in the family had the shadow come to them or just you and mom??”

I asked while ignoring the majority of what she said while trying to just get more specific details on who else this may come to in the family.

“Honey, it's not real... just let it go, okay? I mean, I think a couple of other siblings had it come to them before but look... like I said, it was always after them being around your mom and drinking or smoking pot... she brings it up and it gets into their heads, that's it... it's not real and when we stay away from your mom, we don't have it around.... okay? I gotta go honey...”

Aunt Mina responded hastily while her voice quivered through lie after lie before she promptly hung up on me.

© 2024 Luna Verity