Review of Genesis (Chapter 1)

I’m going to be rereading and reviewing the entire Bible. As an ex-Christian, it’s just therapeutic to me. I wasted half of my life being scared of this book while only being read bits and pieces cherry-picked by my church to fit a narrative. When I finally did read the entire thing, I walked away from Christianity altogether.

The point of this is not to mock anyone’s beliefs or convince anyone else to follow me, nor is it permission for you to try to convert me back. It’s not happening. Don’t even try.

I do not care what someone does or does not believe in. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. This is simply meant to be a review of the Bible from my own perspective. Some parts will be funny, some will be serious, some will be little rants about why I think children have no business reading this book. The most important thing to remember here is just that these are my own thoughts, my own feelings. This is my journal, essentially. This is not meant to be a professional analysis or anything, so there will be mistakes made. There will also occasionally be dumb polls (like the one at the bottom of this article).

Now, starting with Genesis.

First, God just exists. Where did he come from? How long has he been “hovering over the surface of the waters”? Was the beginning actually God’s beginning too, or just the beginning of the planet?

If it was just the beginning of the planet, what happened? Did he just get bored or have a manic episode and decide to suddenly create all of existence, all at once? Why did everything have to be made in seven days? If he was capable of making all of this happen, why did not do it sooner?

“Then God said, ‘Let there be a space between the waters, to separate the waters of the heavens from the waters of the earth.’ And that is what happened. God made this space to separate the waters of the earth from the waters of the heavens. God called this space ‘sky’.”

Okay, so everything is water? Just water? And then *poof*, there’s a sky, but there’s still water on both sides of that sky? So would that make outer space also water? Are all of the other planets and stars just floating around in water? When astronauts go into space, are they secretly diving into space water? How is the sun, a giant ball of fire, not going out while drowning in all of this space water? Or did he mean clouds and just didn’t have a word for those (which would be weird considering he had words for literally everything else)? Is this all just a huge translation error? If anyone knows the original translation and can tell me what it was actually supposed to say, feel free to let me know.

On top of the water confusion, God is talking out loud? Is he commanding the land and water and all of that to just do his bidding and spring into existence? Is he talking to himself? Or did he hire a holy construction crew or something to follow his orders and build everything to his specifications?

“And God blessed the seventh day and declared it holy, because it was the day when he rested from all his work of creation.”

If the seventh day is a holy day, and Christians believe you’re not supposed to be resting on the seventh day, when is the seventh day? Is it Saturday, or is it Sunday? So who is in the wrong by disobeying the day of rest? Pastors and church staff who work on Sunday, or Chick-fil-A who makes their employees work on Saturday?

Poll time:

Who is disobeying the day of rest?

Church staff or Chic-fil-A?