Group Therapy

Click the link to read Group Therapy: Part One

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Chorus (Group Leader)

Welcome to group therapy…

Grab a seat,

And gather round…

Adjust your seats,

For hearing and clarity…

To witness,

Testimonies so profound…

To move forward,

Understand, you-

Must heal first...

Today is a new beginning...

Your rebirth…

For those-

Bound in chains,

From trauma and pain,

This is a safe space to be heard…

PAUSE

Welcome, welcome! We’re so happy you’ve joined us on this journey together. Our sessions our open mic, you don’t have to speak if you aren’t ready. You will never be bullied or judgement…

Everyone, look around you, look at your neighbor… You all have stories that deserve to be told and this group is here to support you, every step of the way… Shall we get started?

Who would like to kick off today's meeting?… All right! A newcomer with us, let’s give silent welcome to her…

Okay— what would you like to share with us today?

Verse 1

I’m shaking my head at myself, i— Uh… I might as well get it over with.

Hi, Good Morning,

My name is Michelle,

My friend—

Told me about this group,

Said it might help…

Deep breaths… I haven’t even said shit…

Take your time. There is no rush.

It’s just harder than I thought.

So, um—

Eight months ago,

I met Andre,

And he just had a way of—

Well….

It all started off innocent-

Going well,

Love tripped me up,

I had fell-

Until one day-

He brought up a new hustle,

A product to sale…

One evening,

He was smoking and drinking,

With two of his friends,

Ignoring sly comments-

Cause ladies,

Men will be men,

Right?…

At least-

That’s what I thought,

Until it got later—

He pulled me into the bedroom,

He needed a favor…

I was so so stupid… I wish I had listened to my mom…

He sat me on the bed,

Telling me how-

They joked and they laughed,

How I was so willing to please,

Told them,

I’d give them head for a fee,

He said beautiful-

Treat them,

Just like you do me…

And that was the first time it happened,

So next time they came back,

He wasn’t asking,

Just lay on the mattress,

Make sure they leave happy…

He said I was his bitch-

Demanded my loyalty…

At the end of the night,

How much he made—

Determined,

If he’d beat me or spoil me…

Jesus… Saying this out loud… I’m so fucking stupid!

Face full of makeup-

To hide all the bruising,

I’m used to it…

This shit sucks,

If I’m honest—

Imagine your beaten,

Until your unconscious—

You Wake up-

Bleeding between your legs,

From your head,

Stripped naked,

Then end up pregnant…

The results of a rape,

Now I’m secretly Sneaking

His profits,

Planning my escape…

Because I’ll probably end up dead,

If I wait—

Thank you for listening,

That’s all I can say…

Chorus (Group Leader)

Welcome to group therapy…

Grab a seat,

And gather round…

Adjust your seats,

For hearing and clarity…

To witness,

Testimonies so profound…

To move forward,

Understand, you-

Must heal first...

Today is a new beginning...

Your rebirth…

For those-

Bound in chains,

From trauma and pain,

This is a safe space to be heard…

PAUSE

Thank you for sharing with us today, Michelle. To be that raw and uncensored, takes a helluva a lot of strength and you showed that today.

All right- Who would like to share next?

Verse Two

Uhhh— If no one else will… I guess I’ll go-

Hi, my name is Christian,

I’m Estranged from my father,

Cause I don’t like women…

He’s truly God fearing,

Do it all by the book,

God hates the gays and the queers,

Look at sodom and Gomorrah…

My mother was timid,

My father was old school,

No son of mine will be gay,

If you are-

I’ll disown you….

One day—

He caught me in my mothers dress,

He beat me till I bled,

Called me a faggot,

Spit on me then he left…

One night,

When my mom was staying at her sisters,

He brought over his mistress,

This next part is fucked up,

Something I’m sure,

You’ve all predicted…

He made me make out with her,

I’m gon fix ya’,

No son of mine,

Will ever wear lipstick,

He didn’t care about objections,

He yelled,

Suck him and fuck him!

He just needs to be inside a real woman,

And he’ll realize fucking men is disgusting…

Afterwards—

In the bathroom,

After I cried and vomited,

He made me tell him that I’m straight,

I loved it,

Or he’d killed me—

I went along with it…

That’s why I latched onto my mother,

It felt like—

She also suffered,

Because when he left,

She’d say be yourself baby,

Cause either way,

I love ya’,

Fucking moms man, they are so fucking great, thank you to any mothers here…

Ten years later,

I’m in college,

Graduated from his Alma Mater,

And yet—

No congratulations,

He didn’t even acknowledge me…

And you can blame it on his age,

Always sayings that’s just how he is—

Bullshit!

I’m sick of excuse after excuse,

Go read-

Jeremiah,

Chapter one-

Verse five,

If your religion—

Got your beliefs skewed…

And motherfuckers,

Wonder why-

We stay in the closet,

We stay dishonest,

And distant,

Indifferent—

Because somehow,

Being gay—

Means I can’t be a Christian,

I’m not welcomed in the church,

But it’s—

Come as you are—

See the contradiction…

How the fuck!

Can you say that you’re holy?…

How the fuck!

Do you somehow believe,

You’re being righteous?—

When the thought of a same sex romance,

Makes Gods messengers—

Nauseous…

Are we that undeserving of love?

Because who we choose to love?

But God,

Gave us free will,

Damn-

You saying the almighty screwed this up?

You’re telling me,

You believe,

That your fathers creation—

Is an abomination?…

Like do you see how we all get confused?

When the lords,

Holier than thou,

Sons and daughters,

Seem to resemble satan…

We’ve come a long way,

But there’s still,

A great deal to make up…

All we’re asking for-

Is for you to wake up,

And I don’t know—

Redirect your fucking hatred…

I promise I wasn’t trying to offend anyone, I’m not fighting your religion, I just want to open your eyes to something you might be misunderstanding. Id love to have a discussion about it. Thank you for your time.

Pause

This is a judgement free space, Christian. We talk, we listen, and we support. You are more than worthy of love… You are deserving of happiness, acceptance, and here, you can always be yourself.

Chorus (Group Leader)

Welcome to group therapy…

Grab a seat,

And gather round…

Adjust your seats,

For hearing and clarity…

To witness,

Testimonies so profound…

To move forward,

Understand, you-

Must heal first...

Today is a new beginning...

Your rebirth…

For those-

Bound in chains,

From trauma and pain,

This is a safe space to be heard…

PAUSE

I think we have time for one more. Remember, there’s no pressure.

Umm… Hello everyone… I- You know what… Nevermind, this was stupid- I’m sorry…

Sorry for what?

You’ve heard the stories… That’s real trauma… Mine… it’s my own doing… So, it’s nothing- It’s stupid.

Please stand. Say whatever you’re comfortable saying, Ms—

…Denise—

Welcome, what would you like to say, Ms. Denise?

To everyone here-

I’m sorry if this is selfish,

I just need to release,

Memory so vivid,

Crippling-

It’s been hard to find relief…

I was ambitious once,

I think—

It’s hard to remember…

But I do know,

Tomorrow marks five years,

Since that dreadful day-

Early November…

But before that—

Life was a haze,

Just routine,

Day after day,

Without change—

Until one day…

Driving home-

Late from work,

Exhausted—

No phone,

No radio,

I was so fucking sick!

Of noise and talking…

And that’s when it happened—

That’s when it—

I’m sorry… It’s wooo, I’m struggling…

And that’s okay, struggling through trauma is inevitable. So, you don’t have to apologize, we understand it’s hard and we’re here right now for you and your healing… Please take all the time you need.

It’s fine… I’m S— I’m okay now…

Ms. Denise, it’s okay if—

And that’s when it happened!

A split second,

Of delayed reaction—

Sometimes I imagine…

What if-

It hadn’t been?…

I selfishly wonder about-

What kind of life-

Would I have lived?…

I’d give anything-

Because ever since then,

It’s all I see now,

Five years—

That’s One thousand,

Eight hundred,

And twenty-five days,

I’ve been counting,

I’m—

Fuck… Fuck— I just want to… If my pacing makes any of you anxious I’m sorry, I pace when I’m anxious…

This is karma,

Isn’t it?…

Trapped in a hole,

Face to face,

With the one thing that haunts you—

Waking nightmares,

Everyday for five years,

Your sweet voice is all that I hear…

Okay, this is— I am not a bad person, okay? I swear… I’m not a bad person…

His name was Nicholas,

But they called him Nick,

He was six—

He ran out into the street,

He was so small-

I just—

Couldn’t see him…

Here’s some tissue… Take your time…

Thank you…

Once his body hit the pavement,

My only purpose now-

Is to save him-

I was,

Hysterical-

Screaming for help,

What had I done?…

I can always see-

The blood gushing,

Down his face-

He whispered mommy—

And I-

Could only embrace,

Caressed his head,

I told him-

It’d be okay,

Then I lied—

I said—

Mommy’s here baby,

While his little life slipped away…

After being ruled an accident,

I didn’t-

Leave my house,

For days,

Or weeks—

Honestly, I couldn’t say…

Before my isolation—

I intended the funeral,

Met his grieving mother,

So much-

I felt-

I had to explain…

Ma’am—

I’m so deeply sorry-

But I swear to God—

With all my heart,

There was no distraction…

And I’m so deeply sorry,

I pretended to be you—

But he needed comfort—

Warmth and love,

I knew in that moment-

He needed his mother…

I’m so deeply sorry—

I’ve caused your family to suffer…

At that moment,

I expected her,

To belittle me,

Or slap me-

But she did neither…

Instead,

She pulled me close,

And I reactively-

Wrap my arms around her…

She said

There’s something you should know…

As she embraced me…

She said Sweetie—

What you did for him,

Was let him know—

That mommy-

Would get him where he’s going safely…

Then she told me,

She’d never hate me,

And I-

Stood there shocked,

Because the next moment-

She thanked me…

And now,

Here we are…

It’s crazy-

To think he’d be eleven—

And every year,

When I visit him,

I’m still—

Trying to find the life lesson…

But every year—

I go and visit,

I somehow feel his presence,

His essence,

An innocent angel,

Forever he and I are connected…

That’s— That’s what I’m carrying… That’s the story… Now Please!! Can someone just tell me why I still feel like this shitty fuckin’ person?!?!

Ms. Denise… I can’t tell you why you feel that way, none of us can because we’ve never truly experienced what’s happening within you… But I can say, that what you are feeling is natural…

We carry guilt on our shoulders and chest… We tend to be suffocated by our own doing… What you did today, what all of you did today was find the courage to speak your truth… You know what that is?…

That’s progress made.

That’s a step forward…

This is a safe space. We are here to support you on your journey toward self-healing. Share only when you’re ready.

You will never be pressured. Everyone grieves differently. Everyone heals differently. Our only goal is to successfully help guide you through those stages.

Thank you to Michelle, Christian, and Denise for standing up today and being vulnerable. We appreciate you feeling safe with us.

If you’re feeling up to it, come back next week because we’re switching things up a bit… It’s a surprise and there’s pizza. You all take care and as always… We will be here after, if anyone would like to talk more.

Thank you for attending this weeks, Group Therapy. See you next time.