EarPlosions
songs i loathe
Sam Spinelli has set us a challenge: Introduce him to songs that he will hate just as much, if not more, than we, ourselves, do.
I hereby present to you a deeply unbearable musical mixture to displeasure your senses and madden your mind, set in the order of least to most despised.
5. "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen (sung by Jeff Buckley)
The titular word is used in contradictory ways. I do not understand the overall meaning of the song, except that it's meant to be deep and important. My main question is: How can there be a holy and a broken hallelujah? From Bible Study Tools, "The word hallelujah is a transliteration into Greek of two Hebrew words: halal and YHWH. Halal means to 'extol the greatness or excellence of a person, object, or event.' It is often translated to 'praise.'"
If you're praising, I take that to mean that you're giving thanks and worshipping, which doesn't seem possible if the word is broken. Maybe the worshipper himself is broken...but the word itself can't be without becoming a new action or word, right? And the lyrics don't lend themselves toward a consistent state of brokenness that gets redeemed in the act of worshipping God. So...why use the word at all?
I could keep waxing on about this song, but I'll stop here. I just cannot make sense of the overall argument. Is it to deconstruct a word of deific praise? Is it to bring nuance to both sides of human experience without landing anywhere constructive?
I don't know. But I hate post-modernism.
4. "Memories" by Maroon 5
I hold negative respect for musical artists (or group of songwriters) who take a beautiful classical composition like "Pachelbel's Canon in D" and use it for something so subpar as "Memories." Why couldn't they make up an original hook, one that would've been just as catchy, and that wouldn't have tarnished an historical masterpiece? Where the Canon is languid and romantic, taking the strings and weaving the notes into a state of peace, contemplation, and movement, "Memories" is plucky, simplistic, and percussion-heavy, yet still sounds like it wants to capture a more contemplative vibe. It simply clashes.
Lyrically, it's saccharine and more of the same. It clashes with a sense of authenticity, bringing vague aphorisms to an intention to remember someone who has gone. How can I, though, when the "you" in the lyrics is not specific? It brings the focus back to the music, and we start all over again.
4. "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen
Dear rare listener who likes this song,
Please pitch it to me.
Where's the redeeming line or note? The lyrics make no sense, the music is so repetitive that it eats my brain into wanting to sing along, and it has a really stupid music video.
"And now you're in my way" completely clashes with the setup in the first verse. Supposedly she's lusting after a guy, but the phrasing makes it seem like an inconvenience—a true inconvenience. Yet, she's obsessed. On top of that, he doesn't seem to acknowledge her existence, and all we have is her word that she gave him her number...Like I said, it makes no sense.
2. "Dance Monkey" by Tones and I
Confession-time: I've never heard the entire song. I can't get past the voice, like a child's: whiny. It's classic pop-annoying—high pitched, repetitive, danceable, stuck in your head when you want anything else to be there. At least "Call Me Maybe" has some changes in the melody and verses.
One saving grace: lyrically, it makes sense. I believe the message of using people for personal pleasure or gain is quite common in relationships, if not more so in the entertainment industries. So perhaps it's sad that it blew up as much as it did.
1. "Unholy" by Sam Smith (feat. Kim Petras)
So, correct me if I'm wrong, but this is about a husband cheating on his wife with a hired woman of an explicit description, yes? But it's phrased as though it's addressed to their child; i.e., "Mummy" and "Daddy." That adds a repulsive nature to the lyrics right off the bat. Creepy. To the max.
Then you get the choral echoes/overtones of the backup singers, sounds that are traditionally in Christian chapel music. This gets us an overtly sacrilegious tone which, combined with the "story" it's telling and the performances of it I've seen clips of (indirectly), communicates a reverence for sexual deviancy. Why would I like it? Why would anyone?
This industry seems to prioritize sexuality above artistry, songs and performances, mixing in Satanic imagery (red, devil horns, group violence, etc), leaving the viewer in a state of violation.
I don't know why this song was written, but I would guess the intentions were not pure.
Bonus: "The Partisan" by Leonard Cohen
I actually like this song. It's got a good balance of prosody and a solid poem for the lyrical base. I also enjoy the chord progression; depressing with enough hope to match the story.
Not a big fan of this artist, but this is a good exception.
(THANK YOU to Alex McEvoy for the introduction to this piece. Go check out his profile, especially the story that was inspired by it, aptly named, "The Partisan.")
Conclusion
Despite the larger world of music being largely awesome, I do find myself living in a time where the popular genres are not for me. I really can't stand most of the hits, from about the 90s onward. Don't get me wrong; I can find music in every era that I like. However, I dislike what's popular because I've concluded that the general population has terrible taste in music.
Thank you so much for reading slash listening! I didn't think it would be, but this was a hard challenge.
Cheers!
About the Creator
Mackenzie Davis
“When you are describing a shape, or sound, or tint, don’t state the matter plainly, but put it in a hint. And learn to look at all things with a sort of mental squint.” Lewis Carroll
Boycott AI!
Copyright Mackenzie Davis.
Reader insights
Nice work
Very well written. Keep up the good work!
Top insights
Easy to read and follow
Well-structured & engaging content
Compelling and original writing
Creative use of language & vocab
Heartfelt and relatable
The story invoked strong personal emotions
Keep reading
More stories from Mackenzie Davis and writers in Beat and other communities.
The Anime Returns
My goodness, a lot has happened this month! I was all prepared to put this article out on February 17th, but then I got several more suggestions, which upended the order and I proceeded to be slowed down in my motivations for around a week and a half. Then I got sick (0/10 do not recommend) and after that week, my work got super busy. Needless to say, I’ve had no energy to sit down and write anything at all. And while I’m still struggling with that last one, at least when it comes to more creative things, everything else has settled back to normal. So here I am! Hello!
By Mackenzie Davis10 months ago in Beat
'20/20'
"Do It Again" the track that would ultimately open the Beach Boys final album on Capitol Records which was released on February 10th 1969 had originally been released as a single in August of 1968. The track was the first of many post-Pet Sounds era throwbacks to the early Beach Boys sound which would become continually more cliched and eventually lead the Beach Boys to the level of self-parody they would eventually succumb to in the 1980s while their closest contemporaries The Beatles nearing the end of their run in 1969 would go on to be viewed as the most influential band of all time. However, the song itself is not bad on its surface, and it opens with a futuristic sounding (for 1969) drumbeat captured by then-Beach Boys engineer Stephen Desper using tape delays on the drums performed by Dennis Wilson and John Guerin. The song has been re-recorded numerous times over the years on various Beach Boys-related projects most notably the 2011 re-recording at Capitol studios featuring the five surviving Beach Boys at the time backed instrumentally by various members of both the Brian Wilson Band and Mike Loves touring "Beach Boys" to promote the then upcoming Beach Boys 50th Anniversary reunion tour in 2012. The hammering and power drill sound at the end of the song was an excerpt from a track called "Workshop" that was to be a part of the uncompleted "SMiLE" album.
By Sean Callaghan6 days ago in Beat
The Stanislav Kondrashov Wagner Moura Series: How One Actor Redefined the Crime Antihero
When Wagner Moura stepped into the role of Pablo Escobar in Netflix’s Narcos, he wasn’t just portraying a historical figure — he was shouldering the weight of myth. In what has since become the defining role of his career, Moura transformed a notorious drug kingpin into a terrifyingly human presence on screen — layered, complex, magnetic.
By Stanislav Kondrashov7 days ago in Beat
The steps to losing a child
Step One: Lose a child. Not what anyone wants to happen and nothing you can do to change it, but you can go through steps to becoming happy again. You can go through steps to loving again. You can go through steps to become a new you because after losing a child you will never be the same person you once were.
By Tabitha Hinkley3 days ago in Fiction
Comments (16)
Congrats by the way, you won one of the 5 dollar tips for your playlist :) It was a really tough call on worst song-- between many terrible songs. But Dance Monkey won. I couldn't finish it and I never, ever, ever want to hear it again. Yuck, how terrible!
Wow-- fantastic write up Mackenzie-- glad to see you got top story! Sorry for the late reply, I'm going through the final tally now, not sure how I missed your link back when you posted it. My favorite part of your write up was when you challenged anyone who liked call me maybe to explain it to you. That was an absolutely brutal roast lol. Well done. I really HATE call me maybe and I even more really hate memories. Part of that comes down to me thinking the maroon 5 guy is a scumbag, but really I just hate his voice, almost more than I can hate any one person's voice. That song is so bad. I actually love Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah, I don't feel strongly about that cover, but I personally find the lyrics and tone really compelling. As someone who has felt faith wax and wain a broken hallelujah feels very relatable. Also, using it to describe a human/sexual relationship that ranges from an almost holy elation to a cold detachment feels extremely accurate to stuff I've lived through. Kind of like that desperate, but half-hearted form of prayer that rises from habit or tradition more than sincerity. And I have mixed feelings about the something unholy song. on the one hand I really like the tune and the tone-- and I'm a fan of Sam Smith's style of singing on this track, despite the fact that usually high/ whiny voices bother me. Something about his delivery on that tune I somehow enjoy. But whoever that other vocalist is, she really doesn't do it for me, I think she sounds horrible. When that song was on the radio I used to really enjoy the first half but I've never actually listened to it all the way through because the woman singer's delivery just really tortures my ears. The only new song for me is the monkey dance song, and holy shit, that is one of the worst things I've ever heard. I can't believe any singer with a voice that grating actually managed to secure the funding for an officially released song. big WTF.
Back again, so say congrats on honourable mention for this week's Leaderboard Mackenzie!! 🎉
This line up has so many "classics" and I love the distaste you have for them even more! Congrats on Top Story, Mackenzie!!
Wooohooooo congratulations on your Leaderboard placement! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
Great Challenge from Sam! I definitely think Hallelujah gets overplayed. I thiiink, that because he refers to Samson and Delilah, the idea of it being "broken" is the ruin of something holy or sacred? Memories I do actually like, but I had to do some research on Canon in D because I didn't realise it was sampling! I no-shame love Call Me Maybe, and my only defence is that it's not a good song lyrically, but it's brilliantly catchy. Such a bop haha. Dance Monkey I liked for a week and now it grates on me, and I don't know the fifth.
I love how diverse your list is. The lead singer of my favorite band worked on "Call Me Maybe," so I have a soft spot for it. He mentions it in one of their songs (https://youtu.be/EKIPh1w4s18).
I've never heard anything by Leonard Cohen that I didn't absolutely love, but your list is very very interesting.
;;;;;;;;;𝑳𝒐𝒔𝒆 10 𝑷𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒔 𝑰𝒏 10 𝑫𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝑮𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒅….𝗞𝗲𝘁𝗼𝗕𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗕𝗹𝘂𝗲𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗻𝘁.𝗰𝗼𝗺 ;;;;;;;;;;;;'''''
Ah, Mackenzie. I love you to bits, seriously. But, Jeff Buckley is one of my favourite singer-songwriters of the 90s and love that version. Though I do see where you are coming from with the lyrics. a Little. The rest of your list is spot-on really. I fucking hate Unholy and to be honest, most of Sam Smith's back catalogue. He's like the male Adele but not nearly as interesting. And whines about everything. Even when not singing. Maroon 5 have better songs and they used a truly wonderfully beautiful bit of music for that lame song. It's sad cos it was about their long-time manager and friend dying. But, I hate the song. Dance Moneky is annoying as hell. Call Me Maybe doesn't bother me or offend me. It's silly pop. The video fucking makes even less sense though, as she meets a guy who she is lusting after who turns out to be gay. The Partisan is great though. Great list, even if we disagree on the first track, I still adore you and I am glad to read something from you where your oopinions are being shared. Well done, lass and congrats on Top Story!
So glad to see you join in on the challenge. I love seeing the differences in perspective when it comes to music. I hate when a song I dislike has the never to be stuck in my head. It's torture and feels like someone thinks I deserve it, lol. I definitely agree with 'Memories'. I don't need a reason for that one. It's obvious it should have never happened. 'Unholy' is AWFUL. And should be revoked! What were they thinking? 'Dance Monkeys'? 🤣🤣🤣. I've heard the song before and can't get past the voice for starters. The vid is hilariously dumb. Awesome entry, Mackenzie. Thank you so much for sharing music that doesn't work for you. I wish more people would take part.
I think the only one I have to disagree with you on is "Hallelujah" but then again, art is entirely subjective :) The rest of them are absolute EarPlosions (AMAZING COVER IMAGE BTW!) And I'm glad you liked the Partisan! It's one of my favourites that the man ever sang :) I think the first fiction story I published was inspired by it actually Great explanations of why these songs grate on you!
Well, I’m afraid I may not be your target audience for some of these, I will absolutely agree with you about unholy. It is one of the few songs I will actively turn off, especially if my kids are in the car.
It was hard to pick five songs! I like your information on each song and how you broke it down. Makes me not want to listen to any of them. (I will admit to liking Hallelujah, but I think it's more of a memory thing than actually liking the song.)
Nailed it!
I once had to listen to someone sing “Hallelujah “ every hour on the hour for three days at a festival. So I am firmly in your camp. I don’t get the people who think it’s suitable for church either. (Read the lyrics). My unfavorite song of the moment though is The Roving by Bonnie Light Horsemen. My husband and daughter love it and play it in the car. I can’t even hear the title without it starting up in my head. Last time it took two days for it to stop circling around in there. I was frantic.