Candy Hearts Are Meant To Be Crushed

Valentine’s Day is upon us! I imagine this must be an especially trying day this year, where pandemic restrictions not only prevent you from seeing your beloved, but also severely limit the ways us single people can conspire with our friends to pair up and take advantage of the inevitable couples’ discounts at fancy restaurants.

On a serious note though, one of the hardest pills to swallow in life is that being with someone you love will not make the loneliness in your heart disappear. That distance you feel from yourself? You’re the only one who can chip away at that, through self-forgiveness, self-discovery, and radical self-love.

Loved ones can surely be an invaluable source of support, but there are certain steps that must be taken alone. Contrary to what Hallmark movies would have us believe, some of the most pivotal turns of life are decided within one’s own heart. For moments like those, in all their intensity and gravitas, here are six songs I've found I can count on for strength.

1. For knowing your worth: Cell Block Tango

“He had it comin’ / He only had himself to blame”

Is there a better anthem for ruthlessly weeding toxic people out of your life than this morally ambiguous masterpiece? Rendered with gripping energy and motion, the musicality of this piece is enough to get me up on days when even making a cup of coffee feels like too much effort. Combined with the absolute sass of the lyrics and the not-so-subtle commentary on feminism and the American justice system, this song is definitely one to make you go “I deserve better, and I will make that happen for myself.”

2. For deciding to recover: I Wanna Get Better

“I didn’t know I was broken till I wanted to change / I wanna get better, better, better”

Full disclosure: this song was instrumental (no pun intended) in my decision to finally seek therapy for my depression and anxiety. Because ultimately, no one can make that decision for you - especially if those around you don’t think your suffering is real (spoiler alert: it is). Sometimes, it takes your whole world falling apart for you to see that you’re not actually okay; other times, the realization is more peaceful. Either way, there’s no denying that you have to be open to receiving help in order for help to happen.

3. For making your voice heard: Speechless

“Don’t you underestimate me / ‘Cause I know that I won’t go speechless”

As a brown woman living in a society that constantly stereotypes brown women as subservient to patriarchal traditions, I can’t tell you how powerful it was to watch Naomi Scott tear through the palace singing this song in the Aladdin live-action remake. It really drove home the point that no matter how much the people in your life love you, no one can speak for you; your voice is yours alone to raise. Speaking up for what you believe in is something that each of us must do for ourselves.

4. For living with consequences: Icarus

“You leave because you’re certain / Of who you want to be”

Take it from a twenty-something year old bisexual: in the world we live in today, freedom comes with a cost. Self-expression comes with a cost. And the truth is, the consequences of your actions will find you. That’s precisely why everyone must make their own decisions about what careful balance of comfort in familiarity and fulfillment in the unknown best satisfies their soul. This song reflects on what Icarus gained and lost when he chose to fly too high; personally, it inspires me to think about what I stand to gain or lose by being open with my identity.

5. For working towards peace: Ceasefire

“One by one we will fight for a better end / One by one we could rewrite the headlines”

In a time where systemic violence and hate run rampant, I believe that the pursuit of peace begins as a deep, personal commitment. No one can just give you peace; it’s up to each individual to define what it means to them and how they will attain it for themselves. When I find myself driven to anger by what I hear on the news or events that are out of my control, I turn to this song for a reminder that the decision to choose peace is in my hands alone.

6. For finding your purpose: Show Yourself

“You are the one you’ve been waiting for / All of your life”

This climactic song from Frozen 2 is a remarkable metaphor for how fulfillment isn’t achieved through another person, but by knowing oneself. The protagonist, who’s traveled a long way to discover the source of her magical powers, comes face to face with the truth: she herself is the source of her magic, and its meaning lies in whatever purpose she chooses for it. Just so, when it comes to finding purpose in my life, I’ve realized that no one, no matter how dearly I love them, can make that decision except for me.

In conclusion, love is amazing. Having a romantic partner in your life is a wonderful thing. But it’s not everything, and in a society that takes every opportunity to remind single people of how our lives will only be complete once we’ve found “the one,” it’s important to remember that some of the deepest, most life-changing moments of the human experience are best savored alone.