yuk

Joined November 2017

4 stories

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secret stories

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My side
It all started when I was wondering why I get so much anxiety and why I am so avoidant to any good situation. It was just about winter time in Alaska, I was in my room, my home in an Alaskan village. I sat in my room looking at the emptiness in my soul and wondering why in the world am I so afraid of everything. I took my phone on my desk and started looking up ways to fix my anxiety and depression. A link in google showed up about introspection, to look into the soul and psyche. I got interested and took notes, the website asked me to ask myself why I am so afraid? I thought about what makes me so scared. Hell, I was afraid of going to hell. I believed in God and I still do but the hell part was just so unnecessary and too much fear. Its no kidding that it taught me not to be judgmental, especially treat people how I want to be treated so that I won't go to hell after I die but the real hell is judging people and then experience the same thing you judged them for. So I always had an open mind so that I can learn and live the safe way. So I had to apologize to my younger self, let her know that I am so sorry that we believed all that, that we do not deserve to live in fear all this time. I acknowledged how much it affected my life and then I apologized and forgave. After that forgiveness I felt a great light in my chest, my heart felt like it lifted all the worries up to God. I felt so alive. I then told my body "I love you so much" like a 100 times, I am pretty sure everyone in the house also felt the light and love that I recently discovered. Maybe also the world felt the change. I did so much introspection and I told my body that I appreciate them so much and I love them so much and they deserve love and light. I felt like my whole body was light and I think someone else saw it personally, literally like they saw me in the light world. Like I was the brightest person they've ever seen. After that, it seemed like there was one old man with a white beard sitting next to a younger man with a dark beard sitting on a table and told me we have been waiting for you, welcome back. They talked about how they also helped me lead me to this moment and they were very proud. And then when they were wrapping their conversations up and they looked at me and then said a particular name, touched my forehead and then it was very intense, it was as if they gave me all the memories I had with this person, all the lives that I shared with. It was that intense for the next year or so. It was like as if God (maybe spiritual guide or God how I perceive them) was by my side telling me all the things I need to know about life and this connection. I had some connections with that person, its like we were talking a lot even if we weren't physically talking. It was like I had a radio to his head and we just talked back and forth forever all day 24/7. It came to the point that it made me happy, also very sad. It became very annoying but also I was glad that it was this person. It felt like we needed to connect on more deeper level. I was still healing (or that is my excuse), so I didn't do anything about it. I had deep anxiety thinking I would mess up, believing that I need to be more perfect to be something like that because they were perfect, I did not even pursue a relationship not even being friends which we were all our lives until like high school. I just could not.
By yuk4 months ago in Confessions
Dear Me
I’m pretty glad I’m learning so much. It feels like a blessing every single day. This is to me from me. I’m sorry I haven’t been connecting with you for the last year, and I didn’t mean to. I have distanced myself from you because I was ashamed of the things I have done. But I didn’t know that things could be better when we communicate. Even though it is easy to talk, it still challenges my courage. I have put down the wall of shame and now I’m walking toward the very thing that makes me understand you. I am sorry that I had built a wall in the first place, I didn’t know the better ways until I went the wrong way. And it’s truly timely that I understand it now, I would have went to the direction that made me have never met you and here we are.
By yuk6 years ago in Longevity
How to Love Yourself
The empty feeling, the sadness it brings along with it. The image of me floating off to outer space, floating off to blackness, as still as the space holds me, looking at nothing but emptiness. Nowhere to go, no one to find me. Lost and confused. How could that be? That’s ok, I’m comfortable. It’s a comfortable feeling, I finally feel comfortable. But why am I so sad? Why am I so sad when I’m comfortable?
By yuk6 years ago in Motivation
Some of My Problems
If I understood the things I understand now from five years ago, I believe I would be in a different place, but now that I am here, I wonder where I will be in five years? From being a kid to now, in one of Alaska’s villages, I never did understand some of the things I had problems with, my parents didn’t understand because they understood the church, the nature around the village, food to prepare, jobs, and more or less, the western world. I wasn’t any different from them. They had taught me about church, hunting and gathering, and I was learning from school. Learning the culture we have in AK, and the history of America and praying. In between the only events that go on, I grew like anybody in the village would, playing with everybody around the village.
By yuk6 years ago in Psyche