The Captive Dreamer

The Undecided

Life sucks but then gets better and then it sucks. Let me tell you my story on why life is a funny thing. I was born and raised into a Christian Non-denominational church. I definitely felt like home here but things drastically changed for "The Undecided." As I grew old, my decision making matured and outgrew my childish mindset. I learned and became mindful about many things in life; from breath, to the taste of food. I became more aware of everyday tasks that you wouldn't focus on and it bothered me that people aren't mindfully present or aware of what's truly going on in your mind, body, and spirit. I can say I have lived a difficult life with many hardships, sorrows, anguish, and despair. I was angry and upset with myself and I never felt like I deserved the love I'm worthy of. I was becoming mentally unstable to the point I even thought "Am I even truly alive?" It became fearful and it was a scary point in my life but then I decided, "Am I going to live for others or am I truly going to live for myself?" Things slowly started changing and these abrasive, painful thoughts started transforming into magnificent mental butterflies sweeping through the horizon of the mind. Things changed, but let me tell you why I became so frightful of life.