Tara Bloom
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Stories (2)
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Postpartum w/ PTSD
When I realized that I was miscarrying at 6 weeks, I found myself lost in a type of despair I wasn't familiar with. Not having a partner to rely on, only a handful of commitment-phobe lovers, I was forced to actually reach out for help. I called several friends for the first time in a long time. They were all wonderful and horrible in their own ways, but I was so relieved that I had people to call who actually picked up the phone, that it didn't really matter in the end what they said or didn't say. I do remember someone warned me there would be months of hormonal and physical recovery to 'look forward to'. As someone with PTSD this felt like a death sentence, for the struggle to find balance with an imbalanced mind/body is already too real - so real that I got fired from my last job due to complications of my experience of PTSD, and have been out of work for 4 months since, feeling like a failure and completely dejected, unable to literally apply myself to any other jobs or track down the paperwork to get on disability. If it weren't for my parents and their privilege, I'd most likely be homeless on the streets and attempting suicide right about now. I'm not joking or going for dramatic effect here - someone's brokenness can lead to some really terrible realities, and there is a very fine line around quality of life that we walk when we stop being able to ask for help and/or run out of resources.
By Tara Bloom6 years ago in Psyche
Living with PTSD: Context and The Attack
When I chose to accept my admission to UC Davis after 7 years of working multiple jobs while attending community college, it was one of the happiest moments of my life. Having an insatiable appetite for knowledge, I had always wanted to attend a university, but getting there proved difficult since there was no way to pay for it right out of high school. Finishing my AA in Environmental Studies gave me that opportunity through a special program that guaranteed my transfer entry to at least one UC or CSU, as long as I maintained a certain GPA and completed a few other requirements, and because of my age, I also qualified for a grant that would help me with most of my tuition. While considering potential majors, I found a subject I could be passionate about, Sustainable Agriculture and Food Systems. It was so new that it was only offered at two universities in CA at the time - CSU San Luis Obispo and UC Davis. I was incredibly excited to build upon my existing knowledge of people and the environment and try to make a difference in our world by studying this field, but I wasn't sure where I would feel most at home - SLO or Davis? As I toured the two campuses and towns in early spring with my then-boyfriend, I envisioned my life post-graduation as a children's garden educator with joyful anticipation. Davis had a specific garden education program I felt called to experience, and so ultimately I chose Davis over SLO.
By Tara Bloom6 years ago in Psyche
