Susy Godet

Long Time Love

Leaving the life once I thought was perfect , I felt angered, betrayed, disgusted with myself for being used and abused in love with someone who lied, cheated committed every underhanded , petty deceitful act he could to work out his harmful and criminal reckonings because inadequate small and creepy people do that. Yet I doubted myself and my own strengths, my own integrity, if I loved him how could leave him? Eventually , I had to stop covering him and take care of myself, In five years time I 'd attempted suicide twice, became agoraphobic, drug addicted and alcohol dependent, I took sleeping pills, anti anxiety medication, and washed it all down with booze. Everyday at happy hour I made myself white Russians, vodka and milk sweetly flavored with kahlua on the rocks consumed 3-6 a day, and I wasn't happy, Can't say what exactly moved me to walk out on the Life I created with myself and the Creep, but I did it. packed up the VW with few belongings, left furniture, photos, books, clothes, my own house to leave the lying cheating little worm and drove as far as I could, across the country to another state and settled into a small house where I knew no one and didn't realize how sick I was or what recovery would take at the late age of 64. I found myself suffering drug and alcohol withdrawals, on my own, I couldn't find a doctor, I had very little money and I was alone.