Susane Regis

The Papa You Could've Been

Oh, how I loved our times together at the park. Oh, how I loved our little ice-cream dates. Oh, how I loved our dress-up parties. Oh, how I loved the way you’d let me make your face colorful with my glitter makeup set. Oh, how I loved the way you’d push me on the swings while encouraging me to make airplane sounds each time I swung up. Oh, how I loved your piggyback rides in the living room while you *oinked* making mummy cry her eyes out from laughing so hard. Oh, how I loved your special star-shaped Sunday morning pancakes with their chocolate smiley face that you drew on with chocolate syrup and the forehead kiss that came along with it. Oh, how I loved the way you’d let mummy and me bury you at the beach in the sand, turning you into a sand mermaid. Oh, how I loved the way you’d pick me up out of the backseat after falling asleep from a long car ride home… Most of the time I was faking it just so you could carry me inside into my room. But Most importantly out of all the things I mentioned, I love how even though none of those things happened I can finally be at peace with not having the father figure I craved at the age of 22.