somikaa mahapatra

She taught me to rise from the ashes & shine

I was the first born grandchild in the family and my parents continuously had tensions post their marriage. My maternal grandmother who I lovingly called Bou (which means mother in my native language back in India) sensed I needed a nurturing environment, so she took me away when I was just 3 months old. And the beautiful loving nurturing energy of her’s that I grew with made me the person I am today. Whilst I was growing with so much love & care, she was diagnosed with Alzymers and I was barely 15 then. I was struggling to even understand what this ailment is all about. When I saw her forgetting things and people, it hit me hard as a deep sense of fear crept into me that soon she may forget me too. The only person who meant the world to me and all I knew & understood in life was her for me, was slipping away slowly. It created a deep sense of becoming an orphan. My grandfather was too busy taking care of her and my biological mom was close to my younger sister and I never lived with them, so I had no emotional connect there to turn to. This is when I knew I have to bring in all her teachings and love that she nurtured me with and the experiences she gifted into my life, for me to walk ahead a life which I had no idea how it would pave out, but I knew it’ll be hard without her. And what haven’t I faced in my life since then. A physically abusing relationship in my teens where I used to be bruised all over and as a young girl I had no one to even go and express how I felt and what I needed, as my only support was bed ridden. But, I got out of it by myself and that was my first triumph which was possible because I knew Bou is always beside me giving me the strength to push through all the storms in my life. Then I landed in Mumbai to make my career. A city which is fast paced and ruthless but highly rewarding if you’re resilient. I struggled my way from the bottom where I barely earned anything, but I never gave up. Some days were so hard that giving up felt easier but I knew I will have to get through this too and my grandmother’s blessings is always there with me. I remember she saying- I know if anyone can ever make through the storms it’s you, so never give up, never give in. I’m always there with you. You will reach where you truly desire. You’re unique and you’re meant to shine through the toughest moments of your life.