She taught me to rise from the ashes & shine

I was the first born grandchild in the family and my parents continuously had tensions post their marriage. My maternal grandmother who I lovingly called Bou (which means mother in my native language back in India) sensed I needed a nurturing environment, so she took me away when I was just 3 months old. And the beautiful loving nurturing energy of her’s that I grew with made me the person I am today. Whilst I was growing with so much love & care, she was diagnosed with Alzymers and I was barely 15 then. I was struggling to even understand what this ailment is all about. When I saw her forgetting things and people, it hit me hard as a deep sense of fear crept into me that soon she may forget me too. The only person who meant the world to me and all I knew & understood in life was her for me, was slipping away slowly. It created a deep sense of becoming an orphan. My grandfather was too busy taking care of her and my biological mom was close to my younger sister and I never lived with them, so I had no emotional connect there to turn to. This is when I knew I have to bring in all her teachings and love that she nurtured me with and the experiences she gifted into my life, for me to walk ahead a life which I had no idea how it would pave out, but I knew it’ll be hard without her. And what haven’t I faced in my life since then. A physically abusing relationship in my teens where I used to be bruised all over and as a young girl I had no one to even go and express how I felt and what I needed, as my only support was bed ridden. But, I got out of it by myself and that was my first triumph which was possible because I knew Bou is always beside me giving me the strength to push through all the storms in my life. Then I landed in Mumbai to make my career. A city which is fast paced and ruthless but highly rewarding if you’re resilient. I struggled my way from the bottom where I barely earned anything, but I never gave up. Some days were so hard that giving up felt easier but I knew I will have to get through this too and my grandmother’s blessings is always there with me. I remember she saying- I know if anyone can ever make through the storms it’s you, so never give up, never give in. I’m always there with you. You will reach where you truly desire. You’re unique and you’re meant to shine through the toughest moments of your life.

I’m getting teary as I write these memories. But, she’s the one whose contributed to me being a strong, independent, caring person that I am today and someone who inspires people around me as I know what wounds and painful traumatic journeys I’ve covered in life to get to as I write this story of my life.

A painful divorce, painful patterns of relationships, having no money and creating it through climbing the corporate ladder in India which is dominated by traditional controlling men and surviving & thriving there by being me, all of this pushed to break me many times. But, I knew I have it in me to get past this and be someone that many could draw inspiration from, especially the women who think they have no choice and this is their destiny.

No, we always have a choice. I fought the dogmatic social traditions in India to not let go off a painful unhappy marriage, go against the society and family honour, I fought it all, all by myself. I decided to leave the country, my home, my marriage, my family everything to go seek ‘myself’. I was suffering, I was depressed and had so much hopelessness in my life. But, my belief in me, my grandmother’s strength & the way she brought me up who taught me to always listen to my heart and choose the path & walk on it no matter how impossible and arduous it seemed, just kept me going. I decided to leave everything with just 2 bags to Australia and restart my life from scratch. After having achieved so much in India and having reached the top in the Indian corporate as a General Manager in some of the top Fortune 500 companies,I decided to quit it all and just leave. I needed to breathe.

I started my life from scratch in Australia, went through racism and got bullied by men as I joined the IT industry which is dominated by men. I’ve always had a strong voice and emotions of my own to express and strong women in this world are asked to be subdued. But, I refused to become someone who I’m not. I never gave up there too. In the journey of finding back myself, I came across beautiful healing modalities which got me into the world of self healing & self awareness which started healing my wounds since childhood.

The loss of someone so dear to me, my grandmother, where I saw her body getting cremated right before me, being by myself and embarking on so many turmoils and challenges in my life, I still never gave up. Because, I had a beautiful, strong woman who raised me and taught me to BE ME and never to give up.

The embodiment of strength & courage that she was, I feel she gifted it all to me when she left this world. I’m so grateful to have had someone like her to make me who I am today. I aspire & desire to get out to the world and share my story which could inspire so many out there who have given up hope or are at the verge of doing so. And, I came across vocal giving this opportunity and platform so I thought I’ll take the first step to share it here and see where this takes me.

So grateful to even express this side to me.