Reed Alexander
Bio
I'm a horror author and foulmouthed critic of all things horror. New reviews posted every Sunday.
@ReedsHorror on TikTok, Blue Sky, Instagram, YouTube, and Mastodon.
Check out my books at reedshorror.com
Stories (317)
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Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Creeping Corruption' (2019)
My GOD Madness Heart! Where the FUCK you been for the last 10 years? I’ve been in desperate need of strong gripping horror narrative, and frankly, I’m disappointed it took you so long to feed my cravings. THIS MONKEY DOESN’T FIX ITSELF!
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'The Banshee Chapters' (2013)
Hunter S. Thompson and a journalist team up to fight aliens from another dimension ... Not literally, but pretty much. The character of Thomas Blackburn is pretty much just Hunter S. Thompson. Kinda how that one stoner kid from Freddy V. Jason was really just supposed to be Jason Muse.
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Yellowbrickroad' (2010)
Great low budget film! I’m calling it right now. This is a Reed Alexander "Must Watch." And here’s the thing, it’s partially found footage which I HATE. But here it doesn’t matter. I mean, the characters are supposed to be a professional film crew so I absolutely wouldn’t forgive them for that "Shaky Camera" bullshit. Here’s the thing though. It was more of a hybrid. While there is a lot of first-person filming, that starts to fade away as the movie progresses and eventually completely disappears. Eventual it’s almost like some mysterious antagonist if filming the crew from the outside.
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Bird Box' (2018)
Let me preface this by saying I've never been impressed with Sandra Bullock as an actress. From Speed to Miss Congeniality, I've always looked at her acting career in general as meh. In my opinion, the only award she ever deserved was a Razzy.
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'We Are Still Here' (2015)
This movie was trying my fucking patience. It was so melodramatic and brooding for the first 20 minutes. It was almost a French art film. Fuck, I think there were four lines total in the first 20 minutes. You can barely pick out a fuck thing about what's going on. Most of it's inferred. I appreciate that they treat you like an adult and expect you to figure it out rather than prattling on in some exposition, but Jesus fucking Christ, throw me a bone here. This movie came DAMN close to almost failing the 30 Minute Rule. I mean it was 27 minutes or some shit before demons started crawling out of the walls. Too fucking close...
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Jason X' (2002)
I honestly can't understand why fans of the franchise hate on Jason X so much. They act like the first seven movies are somehow amazing masterpieces in horror. A long ass time ago, I did a full review of the first one and most of the first seven. Friday The 13th (1980)
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'The Pact' (2012)
OH MY GOD THIS MOVIE WAS SO FUCKING BORING! It didn't fail my "30 Minute Rule," but really, it should have. This movie jumps right into the plot, and the really creepy stuff starts happening no more than 15 minutes in... but then, there's just this fucking lull till the last 15 minutes. I really am thinking about changing the 30 Minute Rule to "if nothing happens for over 30 minutes." Housebound had the same damn problem. Actually, this movie is a lot like Housebound without the comedy, to the point were I had wondered if Housebound was as spoof of this movie.
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'House of Last Things' (2013)
Let's talk about how you definitely don't fucking start a movie... golf in slow motion. Why THE FUCK on God's green Earth would you intentionally want to make the most boring sport in the world even more boring by playing it in slow motion?! Who fucking thought that was a brilliant opener?! Better watch out for that eighth hole, that eighth hole is fucking cursed... REALLY?! I have no fucking clue what they were trying to accomplish with golf in slow motion. I'm thinking about naming retarded openings "Golf In Slow Motion" and adding it to the Mental Vomit list. That's how fucking dumb the opening to this movie was. It deserves its own category of bad plot devices. Even the fucking mayonnaise on white bread people who some-fucking-how convince themselves that they actually like watching golf, probably wouldn't watch it in slow motion.
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Cargo' (2017)
Before you read the rest of this review I believe it's important to see the original short this movie is based on Cargo. That short has everything needed for zombie survival. The struggle, the tension, the desperation. What lengths will you go to? The original short did more right in seven minutes than most Z movies do in an hour and a half.
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Crawl or Die' (2014)
Uncorked Studios actually managed to produce a low budget film that was pretty fucking good. It's not just good on the curve of being low budget. What I mean is, I'm not being nice because of their shoe string budget. They clearly had nothing to work with and they made it work. I have some complaints, of course, and this movie was by no means perfect, but I'd actually recommend it to all my fellow horror heads.
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Annihilation' (2018)
This movie was simply amazing. I can certainly add it to my "must watch" list, and while it's not really in my top 10, I could at least estimate it in my top 15. It has a few minor flaws, but overall, it's a really solid movie up to Hollywood standards (though I sometimes think I give Hollywood too much credit).
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in Horror
