Reed Alexander
Bio
I'm a horror author and foulmouthed critic of all things horror. New reviews posted every Sunday.
@ReedsHorror on TikTok, Blue Sky, Instagram, YouTube, and Mastodon.
Check out my books at reedshorror.com
Stories (317)
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Reed Alexander's Drunk Horror Review of 'Forced Entry' (2019)
My wife just got done paying tribute to Baron Samedi, and that means I had to drink some black rum. And to get the taste of the black rum out of my mouth (sorry Baron, it's just not my drink, no disrespect meant), I cracked open the bottle of Lagavulin 16. I'm not getting paid for that, I just like Lagavulin 16.
By Reed Alexander6 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Gingerdead Man' (2005)
Look at that fucking DVD box art. Look at it! Take a moment to draw it in. Think about how fucking ridiculous that is. This is another movie where if you actively chose to watch it, and were disappointed with what you got, YOU are the problem. Just the fucking name lets you know, without any uncertainty, the producers of this movie weren't out to make serious cinema. If you didn't go into this with a group of friends, a ton of booze, and the intention to riff this movie back to the stone age, I question your cognitive capacity.
By Reed Alexander6 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'The Second Shred' (2019) by DLW, Published Through MHP
DLW never fails to grab me by the balls and drag me kicking and screaming though her writing. I'm never sure if she's intentionally fucking with the audience, or if her writing is just naturally chaotic/evil and reading it causes insanity.
By Reed Alexander6 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'The Mist' (2007)
I didn't read the book. Two things. First, I don't give a flying fuck if this wasn't close to the actual book. Sorry, I just don't fucking care. Second, I don't give a good goddamn if the book was better. This movie was fucking awesome! And god DAMN it was brutal. It just keeps kicking you while you're down, and you don't think anything can get any worse, then it pulls out a set of golf clubs and starts whaling on you Mafia style while you're curled up in the fetal position. And the ending, the coup de gras, is a merciless shot to the dick with steel-toed boots.
By Reed Alexander6 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Split Second' (1992)
Sleep well and dream of electric sheep. Rutger Hauer (1944-2019)There were, of course, far more iconic movies to review for Rutger Hauer. But none affected me and my love of horror as much as this movie did. Movies like Split Second are the reason I became obsessed with horror, and eventually became a horror critic and writer.
By Reed Alexander6 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'The Possession of David O'Reilly' (2010)
Everyone who's a fan of my reviews, knows I'm not a fan of 'Shaky Camera.' There are exceptions to this, as with all things, but I feel it's a band wagon most studios need to start falling off.
By Reed Alexander6 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Leprechaun' (1993)
And now for an old classic in fucking BAD movies. Look, literally everyone going into this movie should know it's a giant shit show. They didn't even attempt to make it sound like serious horror back when the were producing it. But it's been 26 years at the time of this review. There is zero reasons for anyone to not know the Leprechaun franchise is basically one long running joke. They were basically just trying to figure out how loony-toons they could get with the concept. Shit, by nowadays standards, with movies like Sharknado, this franchise didn't even go far enough.
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Hellraiser: Deader' (2005)
I'll give it this much, it was better than Hellraiser: Inferno. Of course, you could make a movie about drinking a shit milkshake and it would be better than Inferno. Yes, that's right, I'm suggesting that turning 2 Girls, 1 Cup into a major motion would have been better than the absolute festering cesspool of red-hot, bloody diarrhea that was Inferno. And this pretty much means I'm never going to do a review of Inferno. My review would just consist of me spraying diarrhea into a Sunday dish, drinking it, and telling you how much better it was than Inferno. The closest you're going to get is my review of Judgment.
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Hell Fire' (2015)
Audio! Fucking audio people! There was so much echo and feedback it was hard to hear what people were fucking saying! I shouldn't have to watch an English movie with the subtitles on! Especially one that was loud enough to be heard normally if it wasn’t for all the earsplitting distortion. Man, don't get me wrong, the dialog is solid and even natural, and the soundtrack is pretty smart too. But Jesus FUCKING Christ, wish someone had checked the levels on the god damn audio. Thought I was going to have a migraine.
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Shellmont County Massacre' (2019)
I'll give them this, for an independent film that was made with zero budget, they had the right idea. Actually, for a brief moment, they bordered on brilliance. I really wish they'd seen the movie inside their movie, and developed that instead. I'll have to get to that in the spoilers, but suffice to say, it was a really solid moment in what was otherwise a generic slasher. It proves they can do better.
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'The Sand' (2015)
All right, this movie got a bad wrap. The way people talk about it, I was expecting full blown Birdemic or even Troll 2. Okay, it was bad, but basically it was bad because the CGI was fucking shit. This is a shoe-stringer from an independent studio. I expect the kind of quality that I'd get out of Gravitas or Uncorked. AND, on the rare occasion those studios produce a gem.
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'American Cult: Horror Anthology' From MHP
Seven masterful stories about the deep state, which deliver predictable, but devastatingly dark depictions of those who fought to make our country an Oligarchy, and rob us of our liberty.
By Reed Alexander7 years ago in Horror
