What's it like to live in a family without love?
The most common thing children who live in a loveless home develop as adults is inability to love. Love is incapable of expressing and distinguishing love. They do not have the ability to love, do not know how to express, so life is always full of doubt, and it is difficult to trust others. The first reaction to someone's liking is to double-check, really? Does he/she really like me? Then there are two extremes. The first is over-striving. Just some dog licking. Because of their lack of security and the sense of the boundary of love, so some things will be too much compromise, very humble. The second kind of situation, is excessive doubt, constantly doubt each other, doubt yourself. Obviously very concerned about, obviously very care about, but always pretend not to need the appearance. This is usually alexithymia. It is also because of the lack of love in the environment since childhood, resulting in a more sensitive personality. This kind of person is often a little thing very fried hair, with temper tantrums, cold war various ways to determine whether the other side love him. It's also a sign of a lack of love. These two kinds of behavior are is the result of inner sense of inferiority, because the life in the environment of a lack of love, children physical and mental development is very unhealthy, when you see children live in the environment of a love, and myself over and over again is ignored, be indifferent, some children is particularly sensitive, shy and self-abased. Some children are particularly bad, rebellious, difficult to control. Why do I know so well? In fact, because I am a very lack of love, not because my parents do not love me, on the contrary, they love me. It's because my mom is a classic example of impotence. My mom raised me with a stick. Frequent abuse, verbal insults. He was very hard on me, very mean. In my childhood, I almost never saw my mother smile. Every day I come home, I'm on pins and needles. If I'm afraid I'm wrong, my mom beats me up. My father, on the other hand, is a very gentle man and has a good outlook. He never quarrels with others and always makes sense with me. Allow me to err on the side of saying that naughty is the nature of children. Unfortunately, due to work, he is seldom at home, and my mother spends more time with me. When I grew up, I became the first kind of dog licking personality. I was a dog licking personality to everyone. Because of my mother's fierce reason, no one played with me in my childhood. As a result, WHEN I grew up and had several friends, I treasured them and basically provided them with delicious food and drinks. I really had nothing to say to my friends. Later, I was betrayed and hurt by friends for several times. Then I met my ex-boyfriend, who was the typical second type. Every day I wondered if I would ever leave him. Almost every day he came to me to confirm. Don't be too sweet. In fact, he suspected me of cheating every day. I spent 24 hours with him, and only dozens of people were deleted on wechat. He was still worried. I even wondered if there was something wrong with me at that time. Then I realized it wasn't me. It was him. This is also a cause of breakups. In fact, now think about it, still meaning difficult to flat. I loved him and he loved me. But we can't be together. I can't stand his constant suspicions and verbal insults. He is often cold and violent to me, to crave my attention. Actually, he cares about me, but he's always tough. It's very, very tiring to be with him. I want to go over there and heal him, to slowly enlighten him. I want to be with him, I want him to move on. But I realized that I was not the savior. I didn't understand a lot of things. I also had wounds and needed someone to heal me. How can I heal others when I am not complete? So we split up. Over the years, I have read many books and listened to many online courses about home education. Only slowly let oneself become a look very healthy very normal person. In fact, there are still a lot of problems in my heart, for example, when I meet a lot of things, the first time I think is different from others, and the first reaction is also different from others. But I always reflect and restrain myself. When I started to have feelings of inferiority. I would educate myself, distract myself, or encourage myself. I am 23 years old. I have suffered from domestic violence and school violence. I choose to forget many things that I do not want to remember, so as to enrich my time and keep myself busy. Find positive friends. If you have no friends, keep yourselves alone. People who lack love spend most of their time healing themselves. In fact, everyone is looking for a partner to make up for something, such as childhood regret, or parents did not give love. But I personally suggest that these things or rely on their own, only their own spiritual rich, in order to better love others. The two also went further. No one wants to be another person's heart doctor, we are all adults, the usual work has been very busy, after work to go home to take care of your mood, really tired. And I want to say to everyone who lacks love: the world is big and everyone has some psychological problems. If you can help others more, you will find your social identity and feel happy. Every cause has an effect, and I've tried to dissect the family of origin of every unloved person. My mother's character is because she is the eldest daughter in her mother-in-law's family. She has two younger brothers to take care of, and her grandparents go to work. During her childhood, she not only has to go to school, but also has to take care of her two younger brothers. And in those days, it was good if you could eat and not starve. No one cared about your mental health. My grandparents were very busy with their work, so they rarely cared about my mother, which led to my mother becoming a parent. Unconsciously repeating the educational model of my grandparents. I am the only child, she is obviously very concerned about me, love me. But she always tells me what is wrong by beating and scolding me. My ex-boyfriend grew up with no parents around. Grew up with grandparents, and because there are birthmarks on the face (with me when the laser has been done off to see. I didn't know it until he told me. He didn't tell me much about his childhood, he didn't show his vulnerability. Sometimes he was very nice and gentle to me, and sometimes he became cold and mean and suspicious of me. He would occasionally tell me at night, when neither of us could sleep, about his childhood, sometimes crying, and I would hug him, and he would push me away. The next second back to the cold appearance, said I don't love him... Alas. Right now, my relationship with my mom is still unresolved and strained. It's not like I didn't do her ideological work. My dad and I were both doing her ideological work. It didn't work. It's unreasonable and inhuman. Now I am going to get married, my boyfriend is five years older than me, he is a very gentle person, he will tolerate all my bad places, spoil me and spoil me. Everything goes with me. He's patient with me. I love him very much. I had a fight with my mom the other day. Just because I'm married, there are rules I don't understand, and I want to ask. I ask my mom a normal question, and all she says is teasing and sarcasm, you know blah blah blah... I was so angry that I didn't speak to her for a week. Clearly love me, clearly is also concerned about me, why like this? Is there something you can't say? It's my first marriage. It's normal not to know, but to exaggerate? I've been doing this since I was a kid. Every time I'm happy, I'm not happy when I talk to her. Say it many times. Say it well. Are useless. I was so angry that I couldn't help it. So let's hope everyone can find a way to heal themselves and not pass on this wrong family education model from generation to generation.
