Noemi Diaz

Still Learning

Three years ago, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 disorder. The disorder brought a lot of chaos, mania, depression, anxiety, and heartbreak. The illness came out of nowhere and even stumped doctors in Spain as to what I had. I went into detail in my book that I self-published. It felt great to get it out there so that other people suffering could relate. Even with therapy and medicine, I'm stuck in a place I don't want to be. It’s hard for me to relearn how to think. What many people don’t understand is that fateful night I blacked-out a healthy person and woke up bipolar- my brain was overloaded and now is in recovery mode. Even though it has been three years, it feels like it all happened yesterday. I’ve been going to therapy and even went to a cognitive behavior program to help me get to a healthy place. I’m stable again but I have noticed I still struggle to do things that pre-Bipolar were easy. For instance, grocery shopping has become a hard task. Pre-Bipolar, if I needed something, I would go get it. Now, I hesitate to leave the house. Maybe, it's because it's easier to order groceries or maybe it's because my brain got used to not leaving my safe haven. I stay home because I am unemployed and that comes with a plethora of issues for me. Now, I have zero hobbies because I have no interests and my children are all grown up and don’t need me like they did when they were younger. I tried making friends through various apps but that didn’t go so well. It felt like bad dating apps, lol. I stay home doing chores and some days I pass the time watching tv. I don’t want to be a couch potato. I want to be adventurous again. I loved going out and exploring the city.