Prologue - The Scourge

If this was meant as a prologue, I hope there's a book coming. That last showdown was epic!

https://shopping-feedback.today/history/whispers-of-history-rpqh0fj5%3C/span%3E%3C/span%3E%3C/span%3E%3C/a%3E%3C/p%3E%3C/div%3E%3C/div%3E%3C/div%3E%3Cdiv class="css-w4qknv-Replies">

Great 👍

Phenomenal work! Really enjoyed the read. I became more and more engrossed as it progressed, the pacing was good, and at no point did I lose interest. The way you seeded the lore of the world through the Patriarch's thoughts and history as opposed to a narrative dump was the perfect fit. For a prologue this was superb, and I'd gladly read more.

that was really good

Wowowowow, I really, really, really enjoyed this. I'm a big fantasy lover and this hooked me right away. That first, "There weren't always dragons in the Valley," is great. It establishes right away that something is going wrong, and it makes me want to know what's going wrong. Keeps me curious and wanting to read. One thing that I would suggest, is spending a little more time on the dragons and their connection to the Khan (I think?). Also, it took me a little while to understand the Imperials weren't the bad guys. Is the monastery in some sort of kingdom guarded by the Imperials? When I read the first few paragraphs, I was picturing a holy place in the Sacred Valley disconnected from any sort of kingdom. So I was surprised when the armies began gathering, as the Patriarch's thoughts made them seem very pacifistic. I think you did a really good job at establishing a place and time. I liked the use of "eleven harvests" and "thirty-seven harvests" as a substitute for years. I have some minor grammatical suggestions if that's okay. There were a few areas where capitalization was missing for "Eminence." Also, I think Valley should always be capitalized as well because it's a proper noun referring to the very specific Sacred Valley. There was a place where you said "wisen" and I do believe you may have meant "wisened." I really enjoyed the line "Tea, grown long since cold, splattered upon the marble floor, and the remnants of spinach and oil covered the acolyte’s white robes." You're able to say so much with this detail and it really does help to establish the place and time. In the first paragraph, where there are italics, it's not clear if it's the dragon's thoughts or someone else. Once I read further, I recognized that it was likely Eanotious, but it's unclear. Maybe specify that so it doesn't take the reader out of the story. I also might reword the second sentence to be "There should have never been dragons in the Sacred Valley." I think having the "never" be after "have" puts more emphasis on it, but this is just a stylistic gripe and nothing of real importance. At the end "death throes summoned his death." is a little redundant. I might change the second death to demise or some other synonym. Overall this was a really great prologue. I want to know what happens next, and that's what a good beginning is supposed to do. You have a great hook, good moments that put the reader into a place and time, wonderfully believable character interactions, and an interesting conflict. I would mainly focus on making it extra clear through the historical fact of the fiction which side of the battle the monastery is on and why the dragons are important to the enemy. Really well done. I hope my comments find you well!