Magali Juarez

Mom, I wish you knew

Mom, I think you should know. I have been dying to tell you but I don’t know how that I was pregnant and then I was not. It started a few years ago like old stories go. a girl and a guy fell in love with eachother that’s how it went, they kissed and they kissed and I’m sure you know what happens next. The chemistry between us was such on fire, he loved me and for sure he was the one. ( I still think this but I’m married with kids now.) you never met him or even knew he existed. He’s been a secret that nobody knows, and I’ll keep it that way because I’m sure I’d never tell you all this anyways. When I was with him life seemed so much better. He was the bad boy and I was the good girl that he some how wanted. We had met through mutual friends and he attended a concert with me as a blind date. He was the drummer of a band and his world was so cool. Everything that night was such a bliss, we enjoyed the music and even danced a little he was a gentleman the whole night. We got back into town and went our seperate ways. Until I text him and asked him to come back, to stay with me until I fell asleep to which he agreed. The next morning as the sun came up he kissed me and left and I was hooked. He didn’t say much to me about his life or about him. Only that he didn’t date or do the girlfriend and boyfriend scene. His life was his music and that was pretty much it. I could never compete with his drum set I would have always came second place. That was always okay with me. I showed him a world that was different each time we hung out, something that he would say was a “normal” life. The typical 8-5 life that he was so unaccustomed to, he lived a night life scene. The one where he would disappear on me weekends as if he didn’t exist. But then return Monday morning but during those times he was unreachable and unseeable. As our days of our first meet seemed a distant past the more we spent with eachother the more it seemed like he was getting used to having me in his life. Of course he only included me in things he wanted, he believed it was his way of keeping me safe. I was hooked to him like a drug, everytime I saw him I wanted more of him. I never saw a side of him that he didn’t want me to see. So than it began, the butterfly feeling. The knots in my stomach we’re getting stronger. I felt sick, I felt a utterly different feeling. I knew, I was pregnant. I took the test just to make sure and behold the two little lines darker than anything I had seen before. It was the greatest news that could be, we were expecting; “how great a family of three.” i remember clearly mom, you guys were scheduling a family weekend camping trip, I had to stay behind because my work schedule didn’t allow for me to go. It was the perfect time to figure out my next move. As soon as you guys packed and left for the trip, I text him and called him and told him we had to meet. He knew in my voice something was wrong and he didn’t understand it. I told him with joy, “I am pregnant.” Till this day I remember his stone cold look, with a pause in his voice and then his reaction. Slowly he said, “ I don’t want it, get rid of it.”