Kimberly Jimenez

Eloise.

As I inhaled the morning's cool crisp air through my nose, the rise and fall of my chest made my anxieties fall back to the hidden chambers within my deepest self. "Just hit send, Eloise..." I sighed heavily. My fingers crippled up and my heart nearly stopped when at once I slammed my laptop shut without hitting send. Another story not submitted. Another tale not good enough to be told. This was something I had been used to for years, for I was my own worst critic. As I stretched out across my bed reaching in the top drawer of my hopelessly broken side table I pulled out an unlit cigarette. "You promised to quit, young lady.." I murmured repeating my now deceased grandmother, Nona. I struck a match I found mixed within the random nothings atop of my wooden deathtrap; and I lit the end of it knowing very damn well regardless of how she felt about the tobacco death wish she would have more likely joined me for our very first smoke of the day. The first drag has always been crap since she passed. Always. I tried to find words to make myself feel better about this morning's failures but without her I thought the way that I always have since she passed; a way that became second nature so I could survive the pain without her, mindlessly.