Kathleen Axtell
Stories (2)
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A Spring Day
The late March morning finally felt the way it had all those years ago, as warm as the blankets I just crawled out of. The sun shone through my window and for a full five minutes I just soaked in the warm gentle light and cleansed my lungs with the dewy, fresh air. Like always, my mind wandered and I remembered. A small part of me no longer fights the fact, that when I turn around, I won't see his face pressed into the pillow, fighting the morning lights early call. Instead, I am able to turn back, see my bed, and its exactly what I expect: my bed, covered in so many pillows they consume his entire side. This was the third spring I had faced alone, until today I had spent every day of what used to be my favorite season heartbroken. I remember walking through the fields and planting our garden the weekend before I lost my husband. As I get ready for the day, check in on the construction crew at the restaurant, and take their breakfast order I am finally able to feel the sun shining through to warm me. After making five omelettes with seasoned cheesy potatoes, I load up all my errands and head out for the day. When I walk into the restaurant, I am blown away by how perfectly our vision has been brought to life. A tear rolls down my cheek as I whisper, "We made it baby" into the empty hall. The music blasting from my car must have alerted the guys of my arrival, because they all came out holding forks and beaming. We sat down and ate together, reviewing the schedule for the day and checking in on the progress so far. It had been nice to get to know them over the last few months and I was going to miss our breakfasts together. As they jumped back into their cabinet installations, I hurried out to complete my to-do list. With each passing hour I was feeling better and better. Due to no lines at checkout, I was able to finish my errands by mid afternoon. After spending some time in the park, I saw a couple ride by on bikes. They were laughing as they raced to see who would pick up the check tonight. I smiled, closed my eyes, and i let the breeze wrap around me. It pulled my hair up gently and then placed it back down on my shoulders. When I opened my eyes, I made eye contact with a man across the walkway. He blushed and looked away, but quickly looked back again. To my surprise, my heart fluttered and I couldn't help but stare at him in awe. My heart hadn't fluttered since I first saw my Michael all those years ago. I walked over, introduced myself and we ended up walking around for over an hour. As I was driving home, still flustered from the intensity of the attraction I had to the man in the park, I started to daydream. When I looked around, I realized that I hadn't driven home, but instead I was at my husbands grave site. I walked up the hill and sat with my back against his headstone, like I had so many times before but this time I wasn’t crying. I told him about my day and even about the new man I met. The warmth the stone had collected all day made it feel as if he were hugging me. I unknowingly drifted off but was startled awake by the sound of a dog in the distance. It must have only been for a short time because it was still fairly light out. I bid my husband a farewell for the day and made my journey home. To my surprise, Mark from the park had called and left me a voicemail. He was already asking to see me this weekend. I was giddy as I called my best friend to tell her about my upcoming date. After a glass of wine, and lots of laughs, I refilled my glass, I started to prepare my salad, grabbing a head of lettuce and three carrots to soak, while I decided what else to mix with it. As I roamed the garden we had made, I looked to the sky one last time and soaked in the days last few rays of sunshine. I saw the sun disappear for a moment behind a low hanging pear from the tree at the edge of the property line. I walked over, and grabbed my last ingredient and finished my glass of wine.
By Kathleen Axtell 4 years ago in Families
Sisters in Storms and Smiles
The day we met our new family was the best day of our lives, but it certainly didn’t start out that way. The day started as they always did, with yelling, yelling about the accident on the floor I tried not to make, but really after a whole night had passed what was I to do? Sometimes things stay within a vocal assault and sometimes they escalate, do i look more sorry one day than the next? I am not sure I will ever understand humans and how they work. After the daily release of hate and rage from my mom we were put on our leashes and assumed we would be going for a walk to burn off some energy so we can lay quietly in the corner as our parents want us to. I can’t help but wonder, why not buy another statue if all you wanted was silence and beauty. After a long while of walking as our legs grow weary our human stops and ties us to a stop sign. We whimper and whine as she walks away, while she has left us for days before it has never been outside of the safety of our own home and here, bound like this, we are defenseless. People pass by and give us sad looks and pity pets or take our photos and tell us they hope someone helps us soon but no matter how sad they seem they all walk away, just like our mom. We wait in the heat and lose hope by the moment until a white van pulls up and a small blonde woman hops out. She has water and comes slowly over to us, meekly and calmly asking us how we are and if we are okay, crouching to make herself smaller and slowly moving towards us with a hand outstretched but not irritation or aggression as we have known, is this kindness? I can only tell that she is different from our mom, but different isn’t always good so I keep my eyes trained on her, ready for whatever may come. She stands up, as if to walk away like the other did, and unbinds us from the pole and asks if we would like to come home with her. Aspen bounds into the car, fearless as ever, and settles immediately so I follow suit because no matter where we go, we will go together. A short ride later we are being unloaded by the mystery woman with water from the van to a house. We are taken outside and walked around and then introduced to her husband and children. This home is cleaner than I am used to and I am afraid of making a mess so I lay in a corner, back to the wall to keep an eye on all the movements. Later that night, Aspen yells at the top of her lungs whenever someone comes around and she is thanked but reassured she is ok. She has never heard before, she was only ever treated like background noise or a nusuince but never valued. I still don’t know how I am supposed to act here or how long we will be here but I try and enjoy our new home. I desperately crave the ability to ask them if they want to be our forever family but as long as I stay with my sister I am sure that things will be ok. Sometimes when the food bowl is picked up throughout the day I wonder if it will ever be put back down. And when all the humans leave I don’t know if I will ever be snuggled again. The inconsistency in my life has left me unable to predict the responses my movements will elicit. I lay here with my sister, now warm with full bellies and lots of love and all I can seem to do is remember, remember the times I was not loved, the times I was yelled at or hit, the times I was abandoned. I would love to live in the present and run around without fear but the lessons of my past overwhelm me and bring me to a point of terror even when I know I am safe. Aspen seems to love her home and family but still protects me any time there is a new person or voices are raised. She can feel me shaking and cowering and lets me know I will never really be left alone.
By Kathleen Axtell 5 years ago in Petlife
