James Eli
Bio
I'm a seeker/fragile artistic soul searching for answers to existential questions. I struggle with thoughts about meaning, life and happiness. Sometimes I feel I can not go on any longer because of the cruelty of humanity. Writing saved me.
Stories (10)
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And just like that
I knew I was attracted to both sexes when I was 7 years old when I was in 1st grade. I even recall my first guy crushes. Their names were Michael Thornton, Zack Killian, and Cody something his last name escapes me (Especially Michael Thornton woo Jesus) but I recall telling myself that I didn’t (in kid speak) "like them like them" and I recall my rationale being something like telling myself I adored them for being entertaining and nice and cool, but clearly, I couldn't put my finger on it because that terminology wasn't available to me yet at that age and as I grew older, I would tell myself that I didn’t want guys I just noticed if they "looked good". Like how girls can/are allowed to acknowledge if other girls look good and still be straight. There was lots of self-loathing, self-doubt, confusion, denial, loneliness, etc. I recall some nights begging god crying to make me normal and saying I would do ANYTHING if he would just make me "normal". The feeling of being the only one, the fear of being shunned by my family, friends, school teachers, peers, etc. And the list goes on and on and on because at that age I didn’t know there were millions like me out there it felt like I was the only one, and I thought I was going to hell because of what I had learned in church my entire life, and that scared me to death, etc.
By James Eli5 years ago in Confessions
An open letter to one of the strongest women i know.
An open letter to one of the strongest women I know, Miss Taylor Allison Swift. Dear gutsy women like Taylor Swift Have you ever paused and had the realization that if you hadn't met or discovered a certain person, place or thing in your life, your life would be completely different?
By James Eli5 years ago in Motivation
