GeeGee
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I’m here to play, have fun and let my creative juices flow.
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No Shit
Journal Entry 211 Dear God, Universe, Fred, Source, The Force, Goddess, Creator, whatever you want to call yourself today; I've had it! I just can't any more! I'm tired. Tired of trying, tired of failing, tired of losing, tired of the shit. I know, they say it's easy. They say, all you have to do is put it out there and it is yours. Focus, stay in it. Show you, Dude Abides, I trust and have full faith in you, we are in it together, you've got my back, the world is infinite abundance ... believe it and you will see it, all things are possible! I'm calling bullshit on it all. I keep doing the thing; meditation, energy clearings, mindset work, tapping, mantras, hypnosis, journalling in this little black book...which by the way, I'm roasting this thing in the barbecue when this conversation is over...group therapy, reading the entirety of the mindset and self improvement section, rituals, tarot, etc., etc., etc. ad nauseam. (Your Holiness, can you hear? I'm going full Yule Brenner on your ass!) I've jumped into the deepest, darkest, scariest caverns of my psyche, I've purged mentally and physically in ways that, well, let's just call it not for polite conversation, I've met my inner child and let her rule over, come into submission, ride along side so we could take over the world together as one. I've done the dream work and let my imagination run free, I shut out all things which lower my frequencies, I've listened to the synchronized music to raise my vibrations. Done the cleanses, fasted, slept for days, crawled into a ball and cried for days on end, sat alone in silence under the trees, just letting it all come. AND still the shit keeps coming. The money is NOT flowing in. The debts pile up, I keep giving up what I truly want for what needs to be taken care of. AND I keep trusting, I keep believing. Still the customers aren't lined up around the corner, the reporters aren't beating down my door for interviews, the business hasn't blown up. AND I keep trusting, I keep believing. The relationships haven't been fixed, the counters are still covered with crumbs and the underwear is still laying in the middle of the bedroom with a beer can on the desk. The dent on the couch where the butt is planted day and night is deeper and dirtier every day. AND I keep trusting, I keep believing. AND I keep trusting, I keep believing. Today, that stupid camel finally got what was coming when yet another one of those women in that group posted how magically out of thin air $45,000 just showed up in the mail unannounced, for no earthly reason. Another one signed up 23 new clients at $5K a pop for the next 6 months.. That chick who's got all the things, she just got a free vacation to the place I've been "manifesting" for over a year. AND here I sit, in the middle of yet another relaunch, without the team I've been saying are on the way, without the resources and support I want to show up, without the funding I deserve or is abundant and always piling up. My savings dwindles and the debts grow ... and I keep believing, putting on the good face, trucking on forward, focusing and believing; YOU and I are in this shit together. Fred, you ain't in this shit with me. I'm in it, in it all alone and I've had it, not any more. All I wanted was enough money to put this last collection together, to not have to give up any more, but no, nothing, nada, zippo, zilch.. And then you break down all my appliances at once, I mean come the f*ck on, really? Well, thats it, I'm done. Get ready because Liar, Liar, you're pants about to be on fire. Thanks for proving exactly what I thought, my life is; SHIT. I'm OUT!
By GeeGee5 years ago in Motivation
