I had a dream!

This morning, in the wee light of dawn breaking through the dusty blinds, I woke from a dream.  The conversation continued to echo along the corridors of my groggy awareness.  'Was that real?', I think as I stretch and yawn, playfully swiping away Bella's sweet puppy kisses.  We run outside for our obligatory potty break and crawl back in bed for a snuggle, and the dream replays in memory, over and over again.  It is profound, in content and also in that I seldom recall dreams with such vivid recollection.  Typically a moment, a feeling, a phrase or an image will stick, haunting me, teasing me, evading a full on recall.  But this one, this one was different.  So, here I sit to write and tell you about the dream I had.

Scene.  Okay, sure, kind of cheesy, but why not, this is a story and could very well be played out on stage, it was quite literally a stage in the dream so, yes, we're gonna go for it.

As I said, Scene.

News room interview.  Cameras, camera people, those director chairs strewn about behind with loads of people I don't know watching, milling about, clip boards, head phones, mics, booms, lights, all the things you see in the movies about what a newsroom or talk show set might look like.

I am sitting at the interviewers desk, tall, sleek, glass I think with a shiny elegant surface, on one of those tall directors chairs.  I'm pretty sure I had to struggle to get up into that thing, cuz, well, being a glorious five petite being in this reality, I imagine, I am the same in the dream as well, because I really don't get an essence of what I look like, only that it is me looking on into the scene.

Interviewing me on the other side of the desk is a stunning woman from India.  Now, I don't know where I am in this dream other than in this room, nor do I know why I am being interviewed.  I don't know I have done, who I am or why anyone would want to interview me, but this is where the dream has taken me.  This Indian woman, let's call her the host, I don't know really who she is, but we can assume a little here, because well it's my subconscious imagination that's running this show and I'm gonna let it have it's day.  This beautiful host has gorgeous sienna skin, a thick, long, luxurious flowing mane, a full, kissable lips (yeah, they were, really) and the most shocking, brilliant, crystal clear peridot colored eyes.  Like I said, she is gorgeous.  She is wear a bright vermillion dress and I recall thinking 'damn, I wish I could wear colors like that'.

The interview is in full swing, I have no idea what about, no dialog has been had before this moment, when the host puts up her perfectly manicured index finger to pause our conversation as she leans into her ear piece.  A moment passes, her calm, engaged face melts into shock, sadness, and a knowing of what must come next.  "Excuse me but we have breaking news ...", okay, yeah, I know, seen it before right, I have too, about a million times.  But like I said, this is a dream and I can't control where my mind went, but it went there so here we are.  

"Breaking news, a tragedy has occurred ...", I don't know where, she did not say, she didn't tell me who did it, no why.  There was no conversation of who the the victims were, how many, casualties or injuries, only that there was a tragedy and she, and the room reacted.  There was a hush, a pensive pause as everyone listened to the story, tears, sadness, outrage, fear, shock, all the things.  

I was a stranger here, this I could sense.  Those intelligent, crystalline eyes changed to cold, hard, stone, and she turned them on me.  With anger, fear quivering in her words, she addresses me, "Well now, isn't that just perfect.  You and yours can continue to go out and protest, shouting take down the Browns, take down the Browns."  No remember, I have no context from the viewer, and my reaction is calm, sad and direct as simply, quietly, and frankly shockingly, respond in a soft voice, "That's not true." 

My comment seemed not even to be heard because Ms. Host had continued on in her story.  "You people are always...wait, what did you say?  Did you say that's not true?  How in the world could you say that, "your people"...", here I interrupt, "Excuse me Ms. Host, but "you and yours, me and MY people", have not protested, nor uttered those words."  She looks at me, rolls judging eyes at me, "you know what I mean, you're white, your people, racist people."  

I can feel the energy, attention, of the room come square on me, "Ms. Host, I have never uttered those words, never engaged in those types of activities, nor have I even thought such things.  And my people, the people I know, associate, am related and in relationship in a personal way,  have not said, nor reported to have engaged in the protests or such types of behaviors.  I cannot attest to what they have done without my awareness or understanding, but from our interactions, and conversations, your statement is untrue."  

She is incensed, "Are you telling me "your people" have not done these things, that I am a liar?"  Calmly, I respond, "No, I am saying I have never, and "my people" have not, as far as I know.  Yes, there are "white" people who are racist, who do those things, but I, for certain, and to my knowledge, "my people" do not either.  What I am saying is this, you Ms. Host are in a position of power and influence.  Your words can create stories in the minds of those who listen, who then go into the world and share those opinions based off your words.   And I'm saying, it is true that there are racist people in the world who say racist things and act in all kinds of ways, but it is not an entire group of people.  When you say "you and yours", you are creating a narrative that I and my people have done a thing by association, which in actuality is exactly the thing racism, all the ism's do, separate us, when in fact as you can see, we are all united in this very same behavior and resulting consequences."

The room is silent, with shocked gasps, angry murmurs, "How dare she?"  A direct Ms. Host leans in, "Excuse me, Ms. You ...", yeah, I don't know my name here either, "are you comparing your circumstance to that of the under privileged, the minorities who have suffered, struggled and been held down by "your people" for centuries?" 

Sadly, resolutely, shaking my head, "No, I am not comparing, nor am I competing, I am giving you my perspective from my life, my thoughts, my interactions in this life.  I cannot compare nor compete with that, for I cannot begin to know what you, your people and people like you have endured.  And this is my point, you made a statement which creates a story, which then proliferates into the world and goes unchallenged, it is believed as the "whole" truth, when there really is no "TRUTH", there is only the truth of each human being, their life's path, actions, reactions, consequences, etc.  The story grows people become angry, feel a way about it, then react and move forward with their own story, their own opinion, growing an entirely new narrative.  By the time it's all over with "you and your people" are now fighting, against one another, afraid of one another, competing and comparing, judging and condemning, based all off your untrue statement." 

Ms. Host is listening, the room is listening, the cameras are on me and I realize the profound moment I am sitting in.  My heart has always known a truth which falls on deaf ears too often.  When I share these thoughts, these ideas, people tell me I am naive, I'm speaking from a place of privilege, from a place of ignorance, and maybe in some perspectives this is true, but it is also true no one knows my story, my thoughts, my history, the life I have lead and cannot lump me in with any group without witnessing it first hand.  And even then, there is so much conversation, background, wounding, trauma, experience which is never relayed, discussed, explored or even considered. 

There is an opportunity for impact here, so, I continue, "Let's play this out, you just told your entire audience that "me and mine" have behaved in a way, in which we have not.  A business associate, who happens to be of Indian decent, hears your comment but not my response.  He sees me sitting in the interview thinking, you Ms. Host, are stating facts.  He's known you, your affiliation as truth tellers for years, and you have just confirmed his greatest fear, he is in business with one of "you people, those people" who are against "you and your people".  He is immediately incensed, and starts telling the people he works with about what he has just heard about me.  Stories fly around, he cancels his contract with me because he can't do business with a person like me.  His employees start Tweeting, texting, blogging, commenting, posting, sharing clips of the video.  Now, I'm being interviewed for completely different reasons; being shamed, guilted, maligned for something I keep saying I didn't do, but people believe you are the authority.  You are speaking truth and I, well, I'm a "privileged, white, racist' who is getting what they deserve.  My business declines and terrible things ensue.  I could go on, but at this point, I thing you understand where this could head."

By this point, I am no longer talking to anyone but the camera.  I can feel the eyes and the ears of the world riveted to what I am saying.  I am full of fear, and also a raw power simmering, because I am finally speaking my truth, in public, unafraid.  And my hope is, the world hears my message, considering the truth, the intent behind it.

And Scene...back to those sweet puppy kisses.  It is not often I write down my dreams, but this one, it pulled me right here to my keyboard and my fingers flew across the keyboard as recollection, meaning and story all began to flow onto the screen.  As I replay the story I consider, ending with my own conscious perspective of this dream.

Ms. Host feels justified, which is fine, but is she?  Because, we all have feelings based off our experiences, our taught beliefs, our wounds, traumas, cultures.  When Ms. Host made the offending statement, it was driven by assumption that because I was "white", I and the people I associate have the same beliefs and behaviors as ALL "white" people. 

Now, I don't know all "white" people, and I do know "white" people who are racist.  I also know people from other "races" who are racist.  The majority of the people I know, however, are NOT racist, nor do they condone, nor support racist ideologies, behaviors, etc., in any sense of what I, we, they, us understand racism to be.  There are lots of meanings out there for racism, from all kinds of perspectives, so we can only go by our own understanding of what racism is.  We all have different ways of comprehending words, which is the conundrum of human relationship.  We agree to use words, yet we do not express our understandings of those words to everyone.  And let's be real here, until the age of the "all knowing", my term for the technology age, we couldn't nor would even consider sharing these thoughts and ideas outside our clans, our cultures, our societies.  Compound onto multiple meanings, there are billions  of shifting perspectives, experiences, actions, fluctuations and stories keeping people always in a place of separation and defensiveness. 

We have evolved physically beyond our individual cultures, technology, progress, growth, change, expansion, doing what was or was not intended, uniting us.  The US was literally founded on the principle of uniting people, accepting those different cultures and melting into one amalgamation of a species.  No one above or below the other, all together, for the people, by the people.  And still we are living as if we are separate, against the other.   We are fighting against the thing we say we want, peace and unity.  Because we are scared, we will lose our specialness.  The rub here is we are all special and not special at the same time.

We are not "listening" or "speaking" what is our known truth, from our own perspective in ways that get past the stories which are manipulating, divisive and controlling.  We are living from reaction, from fear, from would, from trauma.  We are living in a constant state of comparison and competition.  Ignored emotions, feelings of rejection, shame, guilt, whether earned or not, hold us all in this state of constant battle, internally and externally.   I watch with a sad heart as family and friends fight agains one another, as neighbors and community protest, rant, rave, and tear down without true understanding of other, of perspective, of their own internal worlds at play and how they affect, manipulate, and destroy.

This dream reminded me of the knowing I hold in my heart.  There really is no you and yours, me and mine, they or them, there really is ever an always has been us.  The sooner we stop talking, telling one another the stories, our opinions, gossiping and start to be more discerning with our words, making fewer assumptions, asking more questions, listening more, forgiving more, and allowing that everyone is walking on this earth with their own views, stories, cultures, way and understandings, their own knowings, the sooner we can get to that place I see every day ... the bountiful, abundant, gloriously united world that actually exists.  That place where I get to say how beautiful you are for being you and your skin is the most stunning color of sienna I have ever seen.  Or I love the way you braid your hair, I can't wait to try it out at home.  Or I have this fabric from my heritage I cannot wait to share with you and see you where it.  Few are trying to steal anyone else's anything, most are in awe of what they do not know and eager to shift, change, play and grow.  I mean, isn't that what we all want, the freedom to change, into whomever, and whatever we want, without judgement, without be outcast, without be put in a group we don't really fit into?  I know I do.  I just want to live my best life and for you to live yours, knowing always, you are doing the best you possibly can, just as I am.  In the end, one of my favorite quotes is, "We are united in our differences..." holds as one of the few actual TRUTHs out there.  

One last note; this story is about race, but you could change it up to add in any ism or divisive ideology; politics, patriotism, religion, gender, sex, equality, class, etc and come to the same conclusions.  I guess, as I become more aware and remember more TRUTH, I know I know nothing and don't want to inflict more pain into this world.  So I do my best to come to all things with the same awareness and curiosity to understand from a different perspective.  For truly, "reality is relative to ones own perspective".