Everyday Junglist
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About me. You know how everyone says to be a successful writer you should focus in one or two areas. I continue to prove them correct.
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My Most Popular Article Ever
Author's preface: I was futzing around in Google Maps a few days ago and stumbled across a section which listed a number of reviews I had written of different locations I had visited while using Google's wildly popular mapping software. There were a grand total of six of these reviews, which, ironically, was exactly six more than I remembered having ever written. The page view stats for each were also listed. To my great surprise one of my reviews, for a small business in the town where my parents live, had 2036 views. This is >1000 more than any other single article I have yet published on the web (~2,500 in 5 years writing regularly or semi regularly). The business is known as A Yarn Crossing. To give just a bit of context, A Yarn Crossing is a store I would never, ever, even consider visiting, were it not for my mom and her interest in knitting, and my need for a last minute Mother's Day gift. I am not sure if I should be happy or terribly depressed that the piece had so much interest. It was intended to be a parody of an actual review, but, given the many comments people made in reply, I am fairly certain most people did not take it as such. The events did happen exactly as I describe them, but my own reactions of dismay and upset are greatly, greatly exaggerated as is the earnestness and seriousness of the tone of the article. In any event, without further ado, but with a totally unnecessary add on introductory sentence intended only to pad my word count so that I can hit the Vocal.media mandatory minimum of six hundred, I present to you A Yarn Crossing, the Google review. Unfortunately, that waste of space and time only brought me to five hundred and thirty five words, necessitating the addition of yet more filler material. Sorry about that. Blame Vocal.media and their terribly, terribly, terribly, stupid policy. Damn, only five hundred and eighty. How the f*&ck hard can it be to write six hundred G*! D&*n words. WTF? Oh, there we go. Phew....
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Humans
It is Possible to Get a Coding Job with Very Little Experience
Author's preface: The following is a satirical work that is intended to be a humorous take on an article published on a different website many years ago. Certain portions of the text are lifted directly from that article while others are modified only slightly and others changed a lot. This is very much intentional and is done in a way to maximize the humorous impact while maintaining the tone of the original article. I give full credit to the author of that original piece (Walt Schlender) and suggest that the reader check out his original article (linked below). Reading them sequentially or side by side increases the humor content significantly. You will note if you read both articles that, while they use similar language, and have near identical tone, they are divergent in a variety of ways. In fact they are totally different articles entirely. That is the real trick in writing a satire/parody of this sort. Keeping everything the same yet, at the same time, ensuring they are different. Moreover the differences are meant to highlight the shortcomings of the original piece which are numerous (grammar, spelling, punctuations, etc.). Therefore to suggest that this work is plagiarism or copyright infringement is an egregious misinterpretation of both the plain meaning and technical legal definitions of both terms. Of course, I would say that. I guess we will find out if Vocal's censors and lawyers agree. If you are reading this than you can assume they did. Finally, and I cannot emphasize this enough, I am no homophobe and mean no disrespect to anyone of any sexual orientation. I simply find this particular topic humorous in this particular context. I hope most agree. Now that I have sapped all the fun and humor out of the article with this long winded explanation which unfortunately I felt was required, enjoy.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Journal
A Letter to all the Writers Using the Format of a Letter to Someone/Something as a Story Hook
Dear writers using the format of a letter to someone/something as a story hook, We need to talk. First I am sorry this message has to come in the form of a letter and not in person. It was simply not possible to locate every writer using the format of a letter to someone/something as a story hook to deliver it face to face. A quick scan of several "popular" web publishing platforms suggests that hundreds of these stories formatted as letters are written and published each week. This particular writing trick has been around since age immemorial and is so played out. Please, please stop using it. It is almost as cliché and overused as the article title in the form of a question which I have also suggested should see a major reduction in usage or even total elimination. The title of that article was itself written in the form of a question, much like the this piece which is written in the form of the very thing it is denouncing. That is referred to in the writing business as irony or satire or parody or one of those things. Not really sure exactly which, but definitely one of those, and most definitely awesome, smart, and funny, just like the author of this article, me. I am not saying that using the format of a letter to someone/something as a story hook is always a bad idea, but I am saying it is lazy, and way, way overused. While writing a story in the format of a letter to someone/something and/or with a title in the form of a question are both superior to writing a story in the form of a cooking recipe. they are all still lazy and way, way overused. If you do not have any better ideas for the format of your story below are some suggestions you might try, beyond the obvious of just writing it in the form of a story. Of course, don't forget that it needs to be at least six hundred words or obviously, it won't be any good and not worth publishing, but that goes without saying. How about any one or more of the following story forms you might try that are not in the form of letters to someone/something or with a title in the form of a question:
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Confessions
The Subway and the Violinist
There’s a greatly discussed social “experiment”, in which a very talented professional violinist by the name of Joshua Bell played his instrument on a subway platform in Washington. Only a few nights prior he had played the exact same ridiculously expensive violin in a Symphony Hall concert which had sold out in minutes. He spent approximately 45 minutes on the platform during which time exactly 1097 people stopped to listen for at least a few moments. Out of those who paused only 27 gave him any money and only seven stopped for any length of time. The pieces he played were classics, recognized masterpieces, and they were played by one of the greatest violinists of the time, on one of the most lauded violins in existence, yet almost nobody cared. It is said that he made only a bit more than half of the price of one of the seats at the Symphony Hall he’d filled just three days earlier.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Beat
Accepting and Forgiving Dishonesty is the Highest Form of Trust in a Relationship
I don't often write about relationships or give relationship advice. This is mostly because I do not like to read such articles. All too often I find them boring, cliché ridden regurgitations of relationship truisms, revealed as if for the first time ever as holy wisdom obtained from the hand of God himself. They are typically penned in a sanctimonious tone by an author who knows for certain that their relationship and life are far superior to your own. Therefore, I approached this particular story with more than a little trepidation. On top of my disdain for the genre comes the controversial assertion made in the title, about which I can hear reader's howls of disapproval in my head even as I type these words. "You are telling me if I catch my partner lying to me I should just accept it? So, you are saying is is OK for my partner to lie to me?" are but two of the questions that would certainly be hurled my way if hurling questions over the internet were possible, and if anyone actually read anything I write. Fortunately or unfortunately neither of those things is the case, but I will still answer the questions, and yes, that is exactly what I am telling you, and for once I am telling you the answer in non run on sentence format. Of course there are some important preconditions, and possibly one or two run on sentences which describe them. What can I say, I'm a sucker for a good run on. Nothing says, I have a lot to say, and I want it to be very precise, with minimum chance for misinterpretation like a good, long, run on sentence.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Filthy
Jen, Will You Marry Me
For a variety of reasons, my current wife Jen and I decided to get married together slowly over the course of many conversations. Some of these discussions were heart to heart and we mostly focused on our feelings for each other. Others were analytical, rational, and cold, mostly revolving around the financial and logistical implications of a marriage. I thought it was a very smart way to go about making one of the biggest decisions of ones life, and Jen agreed. What I did not realize, was that she also felt a bit ripped off, like she was cheated, or that somehow she was not deserving of a "real" proposal. She did not get to have the romantic dream proposal on a gorgeous beach somewhere where I drop to one knee and ask for her hand in marriage while slipping a ring on her finger as violinists I hired from the local symphony orchestra play love ballads for strings in the background, or whatever (fill in the blank cheesy, romantic, cliché, interesting, dumb thing you can think of). It truly broke my heart when I came to this realization (mostly due to her being honest with me and telling me) and I owe her a make up proposal of which this article is only one part.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Marriage
Why is Nobody Is Willing to Admit the Obvious? - Monkeypox is a Biological Attack
Note: The following article is my opinion. It is informed by 25 plus years of micro/molecular biology research and development experience, including significant experience in the areas of bacterial/viral diagnostics. You are free to disagree with any and all aspects of it. Though I make no claims to correctness (I never do), I do suggest you should at least consider the possibility that it is correct, and the implications thereof. It is important also to note that "Vocal does not accept stories that present personally-held beliefs about others or unfounded conspiracies as fact, or that implicate others in those beliefs." Since this article is an opinion article, nothing within it should be taken as "fact", and no one specific individual or group of individuals is implicated. Finally their is no conspiracy suggested or even implied. If there is a conspiracy at play, it is only one of ignorance and wishful thinking run amok.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Journal
You Don't Have to Be Good at Math to Be an Effective and Successful Research Scientist
When I was a youngster and first expressed interest in pursuing a career in science I was told repeatedly that I was simply not good enough at math to make the cut. Grade level after grade level, teacher after teacher relayed the same disappointing news. It was great that I expressed interest in science, but that career path just wasn't for me. With a twenty five plus years career in research under my belt at this point I am pleased to inform all of those teachers and others who said the same, that they were dead wrong, but not so pleased at how damn old that makes me feel. I need to make one point crystal clear from the outset. Please, please, please do not take this article as an excuse to slack off in math or a reason for you not to study mathematics. If you want to be a research scientist, exposure to a strong math education is a must. I am most assuredly not saying or implying that math is not an important skill for a research scientist. What I am saying is that you do not need to be the second coming of John Nash, or top of your class, or even in the top half of your class in your math courses to be an effective research scientist. You can be average to below average in math and still be a kick ass researcher (in many fields but not all, see caveats below), or maybe even one of the best researchers in your field. I will leave it to others to say if I am "one of the best researchers in my field" however I can say I have had a very productive and successful career. I have been involved in major breakthroughs, developed and commercialized some successful products (and a few less than successful ones), published a host of papers and patents, presented at technical conferences around the world, and any other number of accomplishments that typically signify success for a researcher.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Education
TSA Does Me a Solid
It can't just be me that has noticed a big change in the behaviors and attitudes of employees of the Transportation Security Agency over the past couple of years. Beginning around the same time as the pandemic the demeanor of the rank and file TSA worker has done a seeming 180 degree turn. The scouring, angry, and aggressive, or cold and emotionless robots have mostly been replaced by warm, smiling, and even joking and laughing human beings. Of course I am generalizing and I am sure the change is not universal but for someone who traveled a lot pre pandemic, during pandemic, and now post (yeah, right) pandemic the change is noticeable and very welcome. Also, important to note that my viewpoint is no doubt influenced and biased by my ongoing and regular interactions with US customs and border patrol at the US Mexico border. Those employees, stuck with one of the toughest and most thankless jobs in government, are some of the most unpleasant, unhappy, angry, impolite, and frustrating persons you will ever meet. In comparison, just about anyone would look good. That said, I still think the change in TSA is real and I have heard similar comments from colleagues who also fly regularly. Where the change has come from and why now remains a mystery, but my own hypothesis relates to the impact of the pandemic on the traveling public and a realization that their own jobs were in serious jeopardy if confidence in the safety of air travel was not restored. Moreover, air travel needed to become less stressful overall if they had hope of regaining all the customers lost over the course of the pandemic.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Wander
Hypotheses I Have Known
Hypothesis generation and testing puts the method in the scientific method. Without hypotheses we cannot do science or use the scientific method. While one cannot do science without hypothesizing, one can hypothesize without doing science until the cows come home. Witness the contents of this very article for a collection of examples.
By Everyday Junglist4 years ago in Futurism
