Jen, Will You Marry Me

For a variety of reasons, my current wife Jen and I decided to get married together slowly over the course of many conversations. Some of these discussions were heart to heart and we mostly focused on our feelings for each other. Others were analytical, rational, and cold, mostly revolving around the financial and logistical implications of a marriage. I thought it was a very smart way to go about making one of the biggest decisions of ones life, and Jen agreed. What I did not realize, was that she also felt a bit ripped off, like she was cheated, or that somehow she was not deserving of a "real" proposal. She did not get to have the romantic dream proposal on a gorgeous beach somewhere where I drop to one knee and ask for her hand in marriage while slipping a ring on her finger as violinists I hired from the local symphony orchestra play love ballads for strings in the background, or whatever (fill in the blank cheesy, romantic, cliché, interesting, dumb thing you can think of). It truly broke my heart when I came to this realization (mostly due to her being honest with me and telling me) and I owe her a make up proposal of which this article is only one part.

The other parts I will have to leave to the readers imagination but I thought this post would be a good way to kick things off. Like 99.999999999% of everyone else, Jen very rarely reads my stuff. In this case, that will work both to my advantage and disadvantage as I have no way of knowing when she will actually see this particular article. On the one hand it will give me a good gauge of how often she is actually looking at anything I write, but it will also make planning the other aspects of the proposal more difficult.

Since I already know the outcome of this particular proposal, there is no risk that she will say no. Sorry sweetie but too late for that now...lol! I wasn't exactly sure what else to say and knowing that I had to meet Vocal's ludicrous 600 word count minimum to have anything published I needed additional filler material. So I went back and revisited our wedding ceremony script and pulled out one part that I wrote (included below). It is really pretty terrible, overwrought, cliché, has some serious grammar problems, and way too much of a downer for a wedding. When I first read it again I was kicking myself over how stupid I was to think it was appropriate. But then, I stopped and read it again, and then one more time. And, each time it got a little bit better, and it felt better, and eventually I came to terms with it, and think it actually sort of good in a cheesy, sweet, sort of way. To really get it one needs to understand the context of both of our lives at the time. Since no one but us has that understanding this will be mostly lost on anyone else who reads this. Given my lack of popularity as a writer I don't think I will have to worry about that very much. lol!

"There comes a time in everyone’s life when they swear they will never love again. The pain of loss is felt so deeply, there is a grief is so terrible and strong, that even the idea of love brings nothing but fear. Fear of the pain and despair that will surely come when that love too is lost. And so we wall ourselves off from others, close ourselves away. Some make a hole in themselves and bury their hearts deep within it. The pain and hurt and anger are the shovels that dig the cave and the dirt that fills it. Others build a fortress, with impregnable walls where no one will ever reach us within them. Then we meet someone in the most mundane of ways. A friendship begins which in time becomes more. Suddenly the walls we had built within ourselves begin to crumble. A light shines into the dark place where our hearts live, piercing it like a sword. It is dim at first, but slowly grows stronger until it becomes so bright that the recedes, letting our hearts emerge into the light of love bringing happiness and joy. Our hearts once again find themselves in a sunlit field, illuminated by love. The pain is still there and it never goes away completely, but the love that was a sword, which saved us from the darkness, and brought us into the light, is also a shield. It protects us from the grief, keeps us safe from the pain, and holds those things in a place where they can no longer threaten us. It imbues us with the strength to face what we thought we could not—even when that means trekking unexpectedly through the middle of a desert with no flashlight surrounded by coyotes. Jen is that sword for Daniel, and she is also the shield, and in turn he is those things for her. Today they vow that will never change and that they trek together thru whatever adventures life may bring them."

I love you baby. So lucky to have found you and very much looking forward to our continued adventures for the rest of our lives.....