Edna Alexis

This Year, I Dance

THIS YEAR I DANCE I was 23 when my husband died. They say you lose a part of yourself with everyone, because each person brings out something different. With him I lost my adult self. We were 18 when we met, 20 when we married, and everything I knew about living without my parents included him. Ten months after he died my mental health spiraled, and I checked myself into a mental health behavioral center. The most liberating day was when I honest with myself. I had a journal, and I did start vomit writing my feelings and thoughts. “I HATE MYSELF” I wrote and continued with all the things I hated about me. That was 4 years ago and today I realized that my self-image was developed into my adult self. The hole left behind contained more than I could, at that time, comprehend.