Alexandra Bull

And to Rachel, thank-you for everything

Four days before Christmas of 2018, at about 5am, my life changed forever. I woke up the sound of wailing and screaming down the hall. I wasn’t really sure what was going on at first to be honest because all of this muffled noise was the very thing that woke me up. I remember lying in bed trying to make sense of what I was hearing. At first I thought my counsins annoying dog, Muppy Doo, was making a ruckus again and annoying my cousin. As I listened more I started to recognise the voice was my dads. What was he wailing about I wondered? Is something wrong with Muddy Doo? “Ahhhhhhh!” He seemed very concerned. Maybe it wasn’t Muddy Doo, but my sisters dog, Moz, instead? Surely not Moz. Moz was my dad’s best friend! “Noooooo! She’s gone!” Wait. “She’s?” That can’t be right. Moz is a boy. Who’s she? I thought as I rolled over in bed. Mum? What’s wrong with mum? “Baby!!!! Ahhhhhhhh!” Okay I better get out of bed and see if everything’s okay. I kicked off the doona. I heard another voice now. It was all so muffled through the walls. I was so confused. Am I dreaming this? Am I even awake? I couldn’t really tell so I rubbed my eye’s again. Both voices we’re getting louder and more frantic now. “SHE”S GONE!!!” Yep. Understood that one loud and clear. Okay my hearts beating really quick now. I don’t know what’s going on out there. I better hurry up. I quickly got dressed and swung open my bedroom door. To my surprise my little sister, chook, was standing right on the other side of my door. She was on the phone. I can hear dad loud and clear now. “WE WERE GONNA GO TRAVELLING!” I made a simple gesture to my sister that questioned who she was on the phone to. She covered the phone speaker and aggressively yelled “The ambulance!” The ambulance? What? That means she called 000. Isn’t that for emergencies? It’s the holidays. It’s Friday morning. Christmas is next Tuesday. What is going on? I gestured in a way that suggested she give me the phone. She quickly muffled something to the person on the other end and then quickly handed it over. “Hello is this Alex?” A calming polite voice said through the phone. She didn’t sound too old, maybe in her late 20s? “My name is Rachel and your younger sister Georgia mentioned you’re trained in CPR. Is that right?” I don’t know why but I imagined Rachel to have straight brown hair and brown eyes. I could picture her in my mind. It was like she was smiling right at me while she waited my response. “Alex, are you there?” “Yes sorry, I’m here. Yes I have.” She was right, I had just finished renewing my first aid training for work 2 days prior. Why did she want to know about that anyway? It’s the holidays. I have no idea what’s going on. Chooks is staring back at me with the most worried look in her eyes. I can hear dad still wailing up the hall. I still haven’t heard a word come from mum yet. Maybe Rachel knows what the hell is going on up the hallway. “Um sorry, Rachel, what’s dad upset about?” I asked her nervously. “Your sister mentioned you might’ve been asleep, have you just woken up Alex?” She said. “Yes I have. Could you please tell me what’s going on?” “Okay your mum is in bed and your dad and sister have just discovered she isn’t responding, so we might need you to perform CPR is that okay?” My heart has started beating incredibly quick. There’s still sleepy dust in my eyes and my vision’s still kinda blurry. I rubbed my eye’s again in a effort wake me up from this super vivd dream. “Should I go check on mum?” I asked Rachel sheepishly. “I think that’s a good idea Alex” I started walking up the hallway slowly. I knew dad was yelling and wailing so loudly but it was like somehow his histerics were getting quieter and quieter with every step I took towards their room. Until suddenly I stood frozen at their door way and everything went mute. I couldn’t hear a thing anymore. Dad was rocking back and forth on the floor at the foot of the bed balling his eyes out, but I couldn’t hear it? He looked like a little baby. Chook was hiding behind me tapping at my shoulder. I think she was trying to say something to me but I couldn’t hear her at all. I knew Rachel was trying to talk to me through the phone but I could hardly hear her either. I was so confused. Everything felt so confused. But then when dad slowly looked up and when our eyes met, it was like for a just a moment all time and space didn’t exist anymore. Dad has brown eyes, similar to what I imagined Rachel’s to be. Unlike Rachel’s, his were not calming at all! In fact they were the complete opposite haha, his eye’s screamed out in pandemonium. His eyes told me everything that had just happened and they told me everything that was about to come next. I couldn’t bare look into them any longer, it hurt too much, so I just decided to avoid looking into them altogether.