Ad-Libbing With The Z-Man
Bio
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Hello All!
I am an aspiring vocalist, filmmaker, writer, dreamer, et al. I hope you gain something personal and inspiring from my work here. You are also welcome to subscribe to my YouTube Channel: Ad-Libbing With The Z-Man.
Thank You!
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Stories (187)
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Saying Goodbye to "Frasier"
After some hesitancy, I finished the last two episodes, the two-parter series finale, over the course of the last week. Once again I have gone through the experiences of emotion, of remembering what was forgotten, of leaving new footprints on a well-worn path. There is always a hurdle to get across when leaving something behind, and though I know now that clotting emotions give way to balance once more within a minute or so of departure, it is still a sad reverie indeed.
By Ad-Libbing With The Z-Man4 years ago in Geeks
An Hour Story, Part One
I had been walking for days, resting at erratic points along the way. Under the shelter of any nearby ruin I had contained myself, concealing my features and supplies with nerve-wracking review. I had a close call a few days ago, and since then my efforts have been persuaded into painstaking delicacy.
By Ad-Libbing With The Z-Man4 years ago in Fiction
Unique Perspectives Part III
1. Where music and acting meet. Music is built on an image to convey a certain emotion, as is an actor when addressing that image. So, thus, music and acting become inextricably tied--or so it seems--as they both strive to hone in on the same end result.
By Ad-Libbing With The Z-Man4 years ago in Journal
Negatives, Routines, Pains...
I have some thoughts that repeatedly come into my head, and I am so afraid that, if I let them be said in my mind, that they will come true. That God or the Universe will bring them to pass because I can't help but think them. I have always been afraid that if I let them come and pass, and not get emotionally involved with them or their spiritual effects and consequences, that those people will feel the effects of my thoughts mentally at that moment, and that I have tarnished their image and worth forever. My heart knows the truth, but my insecurities and loss of opportunities due to changes in my life and future that were out of my control have a hold of my mind and bring these thoughts back time and time again. It is a war that I cannot seem to win. Negative thoughts about loved ones that I do not intend to ever mean, yet my mind keeps bringing them to the surface every time I see a photo or others in person. I know it is driven by my pain for them and love for them, but it seems like the side effects of such thinking and love have turned into a vicious cycle and it keeps being summoned between my eyes and them. It is becoming linked neurologically over time, and I feel trapped, like I can't do what's right or what's wrong to make a difference, and that I don't have control over these things. I cannot be present in a moment because the tumor that has become this unwanted residual thinking. Fear and life and Nature and God and other things have kept me immobilized time and again, and I find I have trouble just trying to live a normal life, as far as that goes, and aside from that--more importantly--trying to better myself and become the ultimate person that I can be. Not only for myself, but for my family. I have decided today to let the negative thinking happen, regardless of the supposed "consequences" of the Universe potentially hearing my thoughts and acting on them. Like I said, I have a strong fear that what comes into my mind will be manifested, especially in others. The interesting thing is, when I'm...I suppose it's caught between these conflicting states of emotional dominance...that it fine-tunes my reception to certain aspects of music at time. I appreciate powerful transitions in music, segments of a second, or two, or less, long, anyway. But with milking songs through repetition, eventually they lose their freshness and luster. The songs that had inspired me like diamonds in the rough eventually lose their allure and sting. And because I have milked song after song, album after album, I filled so much time that eventually the habit kind of weeded itself out to a degree. Like when you do something for years, then suddenly feel your love and desire for it wane, to nothing or strongly in that direction. I have resources to change, grow, and expand through self-help coaches like Tony Robbins and Coach Corey Wayne (a follower of Tony, who I have studied how to understand women through), and spiritual leaders like Dr. Wayne Dyer. But I have so many distractions, conscious and subconscious, supposed and actual, and a gravitation toward music, and films, and typing, and a hesitancy to sit still in one place extensively perhaps, especially when alone, that I don't feel the desire or pull to spend the time and invest my complete attention in their materials. I want to change to help my family, but I don't feel the need for myself. I feel I have a few or too many conflicts internally that keep me trapped in the center...NOT centered. They deserve more, I KNOW, and so do I, I KNOW, but I still feel so helpless, surely at times, and often when the day begins, often when the day is through.
By Ad-Libbing With The Z-Man4 years ago in Confessions
Positives, Inspirations, Pleasures...
It is in the beginnings of the songs, in the midst of its performance on my senses, in the heat that rises in its wake, that thoughts truly reign supreme. Thoughts of how I see my loved ones through the lens of my heart and wisdom and wonder. I see them in every vision that rises before my eyes, in any atom of sight that glows off in the distance, in those far off buildings and sights where in my mind I see things happening, imagining some epic piece of life playing out. It could be at the hands of the fate of the Universe or some chapter in some grand journey. Either way, it is being unblinded to those invisible depths of thinking and perception that Heaven leads me to find. Through the pain that a beautiful instrumental, be it a phone alarm or something I come across in my musical discovery travels, brings to me imagine the loss of losing those loved ones one day by mortality requisite, or sights of them dancing along with me, silly in the grip of society's perceived filter, but a glorious hope of a Heaven--a party...endless even--that awaits us beyond these grips of grief-tinged points of cloying reality. I see them dancing, young and old alike, and I laugh with joy; laugh at how they move and flow with such finesse, and remind me, even, of how larger than age and life those young ones reveal to me in their actions at times. Form may be said to be unimportant, and it all changes, and is transformed forever, but their forms are still of importance to me. My heart and tears ache and flow at the sights of their possible flaws, and my mind sees those things and feels them within the loving filter and system that is me; that is the one who loves them and would take on their pain for them, more than I could and even beyond what is initially prevalent and possible. They are everything to me. Even if there is so much more I could get out of my life, any possibility that involves leaving their physical side or proximity brings me pause and a necessity within to avoid action and to nip it in the bud. You see in movies often that people go through journeys--heading off far from their homes--only to realize that what was most important to them was already there, waiting for them to come back home. Then again, it could be societal conditioning, or the beliefs of others that have overriden those moments of re-reflection and potential for change. Whether it is many manipulating causes that push me to choose to remain in the life exactly as it stands, or perhaps not, here is where I feel obligated to stay, suffering or otherwise. What the hell do I HAVE to go out there for? When all those things that my soul would yearn for if they passed in my absence, are already here and now? It is a continuing attempt at going through a process; of working by the inspiration of self-help materials and leaders, as I mentioned in the companion rant article that preceded this one today. Perhaps it is akin to this writing process, which requires me to fill out at least a minimum of 600 words before I can process this writing exercise, art piece, what have you. How far ahead do we have to write the story of our lives before we can get to the next chapter? After all, we can always write the same characters into our next one, can't we? Every journey has its main players, and secondary characters, and even cameos, all of whom could be present along the length of the saga. Perhaps its time I craft my autobiography in a way: of past, present, and potential future. Who knows? Maybe such a future will come true after all?
By Ad-Libbing With The Z-Man4 years ago in Confessions
Some Of The Albums That Touched My Soul
I'm confident the real kickstart to my musical journey can be traced back to "Pure 80's", a CD I listened to at my father's house, long ago, on my Sony CD player. I became familiar with classic rock through my mother and father and their radios, but my interest wasn't truly satisfied until I heard a synthesizer used extensively. Those sounds touch me deeply. They are the gift that holds the key to enlightenment and the antidote to companionable pains and sorrows.
By Ad-Libbing With The Z-Man4 years ago in Beat
The Harbinger Of Dreams
As the peak of the Mountain approaches and my dream reaches its close, my eyes find more than I expected. Before me stands a vision, a solid contrast to the sundrenched snow. It dwarfs both the rising majesty and the dizzying drop of the slope with its unexpected disclosure. It is a dignitary, alien to all that has come to pass within the last half century.
By Ad-Libbing With The Z-Man4 years ago in Fiction
Life Update In 600 Long Words
So I'm still not quite at that age-old crossroads yet in my life. I know that changes--cough, revisions--must be made, but I am lacking the internal drive to drop a yes-bomb on the things I want and to go from there, intelligently, and without regret.
By Ad-Libbing With The Z-Man4 years ago in Humans
Shoehorned Update
Good morning, everyone! At least, that's what it is here. 12:49 in the MORNING, to be exact. Look forward to the witching hour, as I await my coffee brew and opened up Premiere Pro to put in some smooth hours into my movie, editing, editing, editing.
By Ad-Libbing With The Z-Man4 years ago in Humans
Unique Perspectives Part II
1. No matter what you do, you do it for a reason that benefits you. Now, how it benefits you becomes as purely giving as can be depending on what part of you it satisfies. Whether you give to receive the open space for nurture, or whether you give to nurture another, context is the caveat. I suppose it only goes as far as what you are blind to about yourself and the "extents" of your influence within.
By Ad-Libbing With The Z-Man4 years ago in Journal
Unique Perspectives
Here are 13 (or did you already guess that?) random concepts that have come to me in my travels. There provide a mere handful of the ideas that have inspired me with their pain and pleasure in those trying moments, and of those that were lost before they could be recorded.
By Ad-Libbing With The Z-Man4 years ago in Journal
