Life Insurance
January 3rd
Every moment I feel like I’m on a different wave. I’ll wake up and feel normal, sometimes even with a bit of hope. And then, by the next hour, I’m back on the floor with a broken bottle of wine in my hand, not knowing how to get back up. Your mother came over to see me yesterday. She asked me if I was doing alright. I know she had to ask, but I still winced at the question. I know she has her own broken bottles too. This time, though, I wasn’t lying when I told her I was fine. I do feel…fine. But who knows what fine even means anymore when I’m still sleeping on the couch every night just to avoid not seeing you in our bed. She brought me your ashes, and she said that you would have wanted to be scattered across the lake. I said going to the lake would be a wonderful idea. A beautiful idea. Dissolved into the lake that you loved so much growing up. Beautiful.
