The Accidental Perils of Letting Your Inner Fire Out

Fear is temporary; your light is eternal – let it shine. Be messy, be wild, be you – your truth is your gift. (Tipping Point by Artist Victoria Lynn 2013)

Apparently, relaxing and enjoying myself is considered a high-risk activity. Who knew? Who would have guessed that simply laughing, dancing, or painting without restraint could trigger an internal alarm system wired decades ago? That your own joy, your freedom, could feel like a threat? It’s absurd and exhilarating all at once.

The liberation of realizing it’s okay to be silly – even if your nervous system hasn’t caught up – is a quiet rebellion. It’s revolutionary in its subtlety. It’s like discovering that the world isn’t always going to punish you for being alive, for being expansive, for simply existing fully in your body and your mind.

Have you ever thought of something so authentically resonant that you just have to express it and send it out into the world? On fire and in the flow, you pour your heart and soul into a painting, a song, a story, a message, a satirical essay that has you in stitches – cackling like an evil genius behind the screen. You feel the spark of creation as electricity racing through your veins, an intoxicating combination of fear and delight, knowing it is real and it is yours.

And then it comes time to launch… you hesitate over the share button… you lean into your manifestation hacks, your visual meditation sequences, and you embody your higher self in all her glory. You jump from the safety of the cliff of stagnancy and invisibility and send your creation out into the ether. You are simultaneously exhilarated and terrified, aware that once released, your work is no longer just yours. It belongs to the world — and the world is unpredictable.

And then you sit. And you feel your body start sweating. Your temperature shifts from hot to cold. Your heart is racing. You start rethinking every life choice and what your future might look like now that you’ve altered the field, like squeezing toothpaste – it can never be undone. Your mind races with scenarios, your imagination both inspiring and terrifying, reminding you that vulnerability is not just emotional – it is physical, spiritual, and sometimes, existential.

This reaction isn’t random – it’s your nervous system’s learned response. When you’ve been exposed to narcissistic abuse, your vulnerability, openness, and warmth get weaponized against you. Narcissists draw out trust and softness, then suddenly snap, rage, or turn on you, shocking your system into fight-or-flight. Over time, especially if this pattern started in childhood, your inner protector stays on high alert, and your playful, spontaneous inner child – the source of creativity, joy, and flow – can shut down. Even being around people who are constantly negative, critical, or judgmental of others can subtly reinforce these patterns, shaping your inner dialogue and making self-expression feel risky. It takes immense courage to consciously override this wiring, tell your body it is safe, and allow yourself to create and share again. Supporting emerging creative voices matters, because the world can be ruthless and unhinged – but choosing to shine anyway is a radical act of reclamation.

Yes, this is a trauma response. And yes, it’s normal. Calling it out and laughing at it can break the spell, helping you gain confidence in sharing your greatest work with the world. You might stumble, falter, or question yourself — and that’s all part of it. The friction, the resistance, the pause before the leap – it’s the pressure that transforms coal into diamond.

Do it. Lean into faith. Trust that your voice, your art, your playfulness, has value. Trust that your inner fire is meant to illuminate, even if it occasionally scorches your fingers.

Delulu is the salulu.