Self Reflection, and Filling Voids

Ever met a happy artist? I think depression comes in the creative tool kit at birth. Chances are if you have met a happy one, they just created something. The burden of having something to say, an observation about our existence is a heavy one. One only relieved by saying something, making something. It’s heavenly when it all comes together. An otherwise mundane day now marked with something meaningful.

"Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.”

- Pablo Picasso

I feel most creative when I’m sad. Most likely because I’m bad at communicating, but it has to come out somehow. I’m starting therapy soon, don’t worry, but in the meantime, I’m going to word vomit on you and see what self-reflections I can garner.

Green House

I am at all times weighing the value of my life and character. I volunteered last Saturday, but I told a lie in second grade so am I really good? I struggle with the idea that if someone saw “the true me.” I don’t know what I’m scared of them finding out, but I just know if they saw, they would turn away in disgust.

"The aim of art is to represent not the outward appearance of things, but their inward significance.”

-Aristotle

No matter how irrational, the fear that I’m the scum of the earth lingers deep in my core. This illustration is trying to play with the ideas of life and growth. It’s me asking no one at all if I’m good enough to produce life and support it. I’ll update you when I figure it out.

The Void

This illustration was modeled after a sculpture. The holes in the man’s frame show that his identity is fractured.

“Perhaps it's impossible to wear an identity without becoming what you pretend to be.”

Orson Scott Card

As he leans down to pick up a piece, more fall. Often in my life, I’ve felt the need to chip away at myself to be more palatable for whoever I chose to idealize at the time. It’s an uphill battle to gain an identity from unrecognizable ruins. Like building a house with no blueprint.

“We can spend our lives letting the world tell us who we are. Sane or insane. Saints or sex addicts. Heroes or victims. Letting history tell us how good or bad we are. Letting our past decide our future. Or we can decide for ourselves. And maybe it's our job to invent something better.”

-Chuck Palahniuk

Self-Soothing

This one’s not so personal or layered. I wanted to play with the idea of self-soothing and substance use. I used the theme of “use” and made the weed into people. I wanted to symbolize that attention, is a drug in itself. We’re lucky it can’t be put in a bottle, or inhaled.

Parting Words

Each time I make something new things click more into place. I feel closer to what I’m supposed to be doing. Identity is an ever changing concept in my mind. As soon as I catch it, it’s slipping through my fingers again. I hope one of these illustrations make you feel something, or maybe inspire you to create, to say something of your own, and as always, thank you for listening.