Royal Trek: Where the Only Crown is Your Sunburn (By Michal Lenden)

Intro: "Royal Pain, Zero Gain"

When my friend Dave pitched Nepal’s Royal Trek as “the walk Prince Charles did in the ’80s,” I imagined tea with royals and scenic strolls. Instead, I got blisters, a sunburn shaped like my hat, and a team of misfits:

• Dave: “History buff” who packed a crown-shaped flask (for “theme drinks”).

• Sarah: Instagram queen with 7 outfits for 7 days (all white, all regrettable).

• Emma: Human snack pantry (37 granola bars, zero patience).

• Me: Fool who thought “royal” meant “someone else carries my bags.”

Spoiler: Prince Charles is a liar.

Day 1: Arrival in Kathmandu – “Chaos is a Welcome Mat”

Kathmandu hit us like a jet-lagged fever dream. Cows, motorbikes, and a guy selling “authentic” Everest snow globes. Sarah tried to pet a sacred cow. It licked her selfie stick. Dave declared, “This is cultural immersion!” as a pigeon pooped on his crown flask.

Day 2: Kathmandu Sightseeing & Prep – “Temples and Red Flags”

We visited Swayambhunath (Monkey Temple). Key takeaways:

• Monkeys steal sunglasses.

• “Holy water” is just suspicious puddle juice.

• Emma tried to haggle for trekking poles. Got a bamboo stick.

At the gear shop, Sarah bought a “vintage” map from 1992. The shopkeeper grinned. “Still works! Mountains don’t move.”

Day 3: Drive to Pokhara – “Bus Ride or Rollercoaster?”

The “tourist bus” had seats harder than Dave’s resolve. Sarah live-streamed her motion sickness. Emma’s snack bag exploded, coating a grumpy German tourist in Cheeto dust. The highlight? A bathroom stop where the toilet was a hole and a dream.

Day 4: Drive to Bijaypur & Trek to Kalikasthan – “The Royal Lie”

Bijaypur’s “scenic drive” was a dirt road that rattled our souls. The trek to Kalikasthan began with a local kid asking, “You lost?” We weren’t. Then we were. Emma bribed a goat herder with gummies for directions. He took the gummies and walked away.

Day 5: Kalikasthan to Patalu Danda – “Hills Have Eyes (And Judgement)”

The trail was 90% uphill, 10% regret. Sarah’s white outfit turned brown. Dave’s crown flask leaked whiskey into his socks. At Patalu Danda, the guesthouse owner served dal bhat with a smirk. “Prince Charles liked it,” he lied.

Day 6: Patalu Danda to Syaglung – “Goats & Gossip”

Syaglung’s villagers stared at us like we were reality TV. An old woman offered Sarah a handmade scarf. Sarah cried. Then the woman said, “500 rupees.” Dave tried to pay with his flask. She declined.

Day 7: Syaglung to Chisapani – “The View That (Almost) Fixed Everything”

Chisapani’s sunset over the Annapurnas was breathtaking. Sarah’s phone died capturing it. Dave tripped into a cactus. Emma’s last granola bar saved us from mutiny. We slept in a barn. The cows judged us.

________________________________________Day 8: Chisapani to Begnas Lake – “The Walk of Shame”

The trek ended at Begnas Lake, where we looked like survivors of a laundry explosion. Sarah tried to paddleboard. Fell in. Dave traded his flask for a cold Coke. The drive back to Pokhara was silent, save for Emma crunching emergency crackers.

Day 9: Pokhara to Kathmandu – “Civilization Never Felt So Good”

The bus ride back featured a Bollywood movie blasting at max volume. Sarah slept. Dave nursed his sunburn. Emma ate a salad like it was redemption. I realized Kathmandu’s chaos now felt like home.

Day 10: Farewell – “Goodbye, Prince Charles’ Revenge”

At the airport, Sarah bought a snow globe. “For memories,” she said. It leaked in her bag. Dave hugged a Starbucks barista. Emma gave me her last granola bar. “For next time.” There will be no next time.

Epilogue: Why Royal Trek Wins

This trek isn’t about royalty. It’s about:

• Goats outsmarting you.

• Learning “scenic” means “you’ll suffer for it.”

• Realizing Prince Charles is a masochist.

Would I recommend it? Only if you enjoy humble pie with your mountain views.

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Trek Stats:

• Duration: 10 days (5 days of actual walking, 5 of questioning life).

• Difficulty: “Royal” = “Bring better shoes.”

• Don’t Miss: Begnas Lake’s humiliation, Syaglung’s hustle culture.

• Skip If: You think “roughing it” is a 3-star hotel.

Pro tip: if you want to go trek in Nepal don’t miss to go Nepal mountain adventure. This is the best trekking company in Nepal, the accommodation is best, and the facilities are good. I was going with the other company before, but the trek accommodation and facilities are not good as much I think but when I go with Nepal mountain adventure my imagination got match