Pen and Ink: I Get To Do That!

When a client comes into a tattoo shop, usually there’s a few varieties of tattoo they’re looking for. There are small, meaningful tattoos that might be done quickly in exchange for a minimum price and a story. There are larger, multisession tattoos for clients there for the appreciation of camaraderie and art. There’s cover ups, flash art, an endless supply of palm sized art pieces for collectors.

And then there’s the humorous ones, the ones that people ask each other “are you sure you won’t regret that later?” Usually, the answer is no, if your artist does a good job. I consider part of customer service to talk clients out of shitty ideas, it’s the other side of using their ideas to make an art piece that truly fits them…

…so here are some stories of small tattoos I’ve been requested to do, first up is Space Coyote from the Simpsons.

It’s a running pattern over the years for people to choose spirit animals and get them tattooed in order to bring a client closer to a part of themselves. There’s also animal trends, a year of economic recession might bring an influx of koi tattoos or a shifting stage of life might require a moth for spiritual enlightenment. Sometimes tattoos mean absolutely nothing, and that works just as well. Space Coyote was a one-off cartoon character voiced by Johnny Cash, the fruit of Homer Simpson’s hallucigenic pepper dream. He’s also my client’s spirit animal.

Friday the 13th is one of the most important holidays in the tattoo world, where customers flock to local shops for deals on limited edition flash. We artists end up doing dozens of tattoos a day. It is my personal goal to meet as many people as I can, but I would also rather take an extra moment to create something a little special every time instead of replicating the exact flash art for everyone (with exception to the Party Shark Army.) The Homicidal Penguin was borne from some laughter and spur of the moment decisions.

There are a couple designs I tattoo over and over and over again. I’m on a mission to give as many people Party Sharks as I can, and to my knowledge there’s more than half a dozen random people with matching Party Shark tattoos. Why? Because we can. And because Party Shark is a cute little friend to carry with you for shop minimum price. He has no deeper meaning, and thus can mean anything at all.

Once, I had a friend request a whole page of American Traditional butterflies to choose from, and I did it, because I knew he wouldn't be the only person to ask. I drew them all at once, fit together on a page. After so many butterflies I had to draw something weird to balance it out. So I drew a whole page of weird, it had to be done. I saw on Pinterest a linework stock image of a banana with a bone in it, and thought “ I can do better than that,” and then I did. The next day one of our regular shop guinea pigs saw what I was working on, picked out my tantric frog sex design, then showed up again not long after because he wanted a banana too.

The aforementioned frog tattoo has become unintentionally infamous and I’ve had to print sticker designs as well. This is a traditional style design, modified from another artist’s pose, and as far as I know, frogs having sex has never been a popular animal trend. I did this tattoo and the banana very early in my career and didn’t quite realize at the time that it would open the way for more absurdities to come.

Lastly, I include “America’s Ass” not neccessarily for artistic merit, but for the story alone. For context, I have a couple pages of tiny superhero flash I keep handy, so this little doodle rendition of Captain America’s pants and shield was ready to roll. The client was the brother of the shop’s apprentice and had volunteered himself to her as a guinea pig. As he was getting his tattoo, he told me how he was in the marines, and that his father had mailed him a camouflage thong with a note daring him to wear it. And so he did, just the thong, until he was dragged back to his quarters and forced to put on clothing.

“I can do you one better,” I told him, and brought him my Book of Whims with impulsive linework flash. He asked the cost. I told him I had never done an ass tattoo yet, and it was already after closing time, so he could tip what he felt like. I just wanted the story.

After he finished his apprentice tattoo, we migrated over to my booth and his marine ass did indeed get the label of “America’s ass.” It went quick, it healed up nicely, and after Christmastime he visited again to a shopwide chorus of “It’s America’s Ass!”

He told me how on holiday leave his cousins tackled him, dragged him in front of his grandmother, and yanked down his pants to show her. Grandma approves. He also told me how when he returned to work, his tattoo became the easiest party trick in the world, to just flash the flash art on his ass, to the point that rumor reached a Lieutenant Colonel who called my client to his office. He demanded the young marine drop his drawers, and so he did. “I’ve seen a lot of stupid tattoos,” he told my client, “but this one is great.”

Pen and Ink is to be a series about life in the tattoo industry and all the things that come with it. Follow, donate, and subscribe for more stories and special content. I am creating this series to offer real stories and real education on health and art. Thank you for reading!