Crypto Cat Craze: Woman Accidentally Buys a Cat Named Kira With Bonk Tokens

In what might be the strangest pet acquisition story of the year, a woman in Austin, Texas has found herself the owner of a sleek, all-black cat named Kira, after placing a half-joking bid on a crypto-powered pet adoption website... using Bonk Tokens.

Yes, those Bonk Tokens.

Originally launched as a meme cryptocurrency inspired by the viral bulldog Bonk (famous for headbutting his way into internet legend), Bonk Tokens were intended to be "useless and funny." Instead, they’ve somehow become a semi-functional online currency used for tipping, memes, and now—acquiring cats.

“I didn’t expect anything to actually happen,” said 28-year-old web designer Jessie Nguyen, who originally stumbled across the listing while browsing a Discord server for crypto hobbyists.

“I didn’t expect anything to actually happen,” said 28-year-old web designer Jessie Nguyen, who originally stumbled across the listing while browsing a Discord server for crypto hobbyists.

The listing read:

“2M BONK = 1 Premium Cat Companion. No refunds. Cat may judge you.”

Jessie clicked “Buy Now” using a crypto wallet she hadn’t touched in six months. The next morning, a courier in a denim vest arrived at her apartment with a small carrier. Inside was Kira.

“She didn’t blink. She just looked at me like she knew exactly what I’d done,” Jessie says. “And now she lives here. I don’t think I can stop her, even if I wanted to.”

That’s where things get even stranger. According to her digital certificate of ownership, Kira is a “Tier 4 Mysticat,” a rare status in the BonkChain Petverse, an experimental blockchain-powered pet adoption network. She was allegedly born in a decentralized cattery in Wyoming, though that detail remains unverified.

Kira is described as having the following attributes:

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Special Trait: “Stares into your soul at 2:17 a.m.”

Utility Rating: “Mystical +4”

Owner Warning: “May unlock hidden lore.”

In person, Kira is sleek, quiet, and disturbingly self-assured. She opens drawers, disables robotic vacuums, and once corrected Jessie’s spelling on a Google Doc by walking across the keyboard. She refuses to eat unless it’s salmon from a ceramic dish shaped like a koi fish—and she won’t touch food if anyone’s watching.

“She literally turned off my ring camera while she ate,” Jessie says. “She’s either haunted or hacking me.”

The creators of Bonk Token, a pseudonymous trio known only as Snoutz, Wiggle, and Donk (real names withheld because of course they are), expressed confusion and mild concern.

“We designed Bonk Token to be a useless meme coin,” Snoutz said in a rare Telegram interview. “The fact that someone bought a real cat with it is both amazing and deeply troubling.”

When asked about Kira’s influence on Bonk Token’s value, Donk simply replied with:

“If she starts trading derivatives, we’re done for.”

As word spread, the internet did what it does best: turned Kira into a cryptic queen.

Fan art now depicts her sitting atop a throne made of shattered hard drives. Her catchphrase, “She Knows,” has been printed on shirts, mugs, and NFT trading cards. One popular TikTok with 3.2 million views simply shows Kira slowly turning her head to look at the camera with the text:

“Bought her with Bonk. She bought me with silence.”

Kira has also been the subject of three separate conspiracy theory threads, including one suggesting she’s an AI cat designed to spy on humans by the Norwegian government. (There is zero evidence for this, but the subreddit is undeterred.)

“I used to think I was the pet owner,” Jessie says. “Now I think I’m just staff.”

Despite the strange circumstances, Jessie has no plans to return Kira—or sell her, even as offers pour in from eccentric crypto millionaires who want to “commune with her energy.”

“She sleeps on my keyboard. She controls the thermostat. She’s changed my Spotify algorithm to all ambient Gregorian chant. But she hasn’t blinked in 14 minutes, and I’m too scared to make her leave.”

One thing is clear: in a world where most crypto projects crash and burn, Kira may be the first one to land on her feet—then slowly knock your glass of water off the table just to remind you who’s in charge.