You were my green

August 18, 2021 – 2.05 pm. The call came from my cousin. My heart sank. I knew what it meant, but I didn’t want to accept it—maybe I didn’t for a long time.

That day along with your body, a part of me and a chapter of my beautiful dream ended.

My dear baje, 1363 days later I would like to ask, how is life up in heaven? You must have gotten used to it right? How did it feel to reconcile with bajey and your friends for the first time? Do you ever think of us? Please… say you do.

Arghh.. I finally feel like I have made peace within myself and have accepted the natural phenomenon of life and death, to be honest not completely yet. But I would like to say I am doing much better, because every time I talked about you, I used to weep like a baby.

Instead of grieving properly, I buried everything inside acted normal and constantly thinking about what could have been, should have been, or would have been. Eventually, the buried pot filled with pain, anger, rage, and sorrow, finally burst and dragged me in the hurricane of emotional disorders.

I lost track of my life, I had no dream or purpose, no excitement about life just living because I could not kill myself.

You were the one I wanted to give everything; but you left before I could give you anything.

The one who raised me, loved me, nurtured me and brought colour to my life passed away before bearing the fruit. That’s when I had the taste of bitter truth, how much control you can have in your life. I know you are proud of me and protecting me through your ways like always.

Even when you are gone, you are still with me, in me.

I will make up for everything when I see you again.

Until then, I will keep living for both of us.

Your Kashi

<3