Writing Hard or Hardly Writing?

I haven't managed to write very much in the last few months. I could blame work. I could blame my family or society. But maybe I am just being too much of a perfectionist. My inner critic has been a real bitch lately. I’ve been so worried about publishing something sub-par, I haven’t published anything at all save a few short poems.

There have been some false starts. I entered Mackenze Davis’s latest Ekphrastic Challenge and I’m ashamed to say I could not finish my entry. A half-baked story remains unfinished in my drafts. I could not figure out the ending and it’s still way under the minimum word count. Now over two months past the due date it’s still killing me. The shame of not being able to finish gave me a serious case of writer’s block.

I remember some advice from the actor, Willem Dafoe. He recommended giving yourself permission to do your worst, make bad art on purpose! It’s fun and it gets you out of your head. I am sure Willem Dafoe wasn’t the one who came up with this idea, but that is where I first heard it, so I’m going with that.

When I saw the Unfiltered Challenge, I thought hey, that’s easy and I wrote a cheeky entry mocking the idea. I meant no disrespect to the vocal creator who inspired the prompt. Actually, the longer I think about it, the more I realize how important it is to give yourself permission to be vulnerable and let it all hang out. Say what’s on your mind without worrying about it being palatable.

If I could just relax, I’d probably have an easier time writing. Some nights after work, I feel like I just spent eight hours with every muscle clenched like I was hanging off a cliff or something. I have to hum little songs and affirmations in my head just to keep the anxiety goblins from taking over. As you can imagine, this is not the best environment for hatching great ideas.

On the other hand, most streams of consciousness are inherently boring. What am I gonna have for dinner tonight? I wonder if that chicken in the fridge is still good. Maybe I should order pizza…

To write a winning entry, people are going to have to aim their thoughts on something worthwhile. Is that cheating?

I was also thinking about the other recent challenges, and I must admit I feel a little weird about the Small Kindness Challenge. Let me start by saying I love the idea of lauding everyday acts of kindness! The R U OK day in Australia sounds like a great idea! We should take it global. Mental health is super important and talking about it is key to removing the stigma surrounding the topic.

The part that makes me feel weird about the challenge is writing about my own acts of kindness from the perspective of someone else. Aren’t we supposed to do these good deeds without any expectation or hope of reward? Kindness for kindness’s sake. If we advertise our good deeds, doesn’t that blow the whole deal?

You know those videos on TikTok and Instagram where a content creator will approach a homeless person or some haggard looking Walmart shopper? They’ll quiz them to see if they’re generous or somehow worthy, or worse - humiliate them. Then they give them a wad of cash and capture the whole thing on video for engagement.

My question is why don’t they just give the guy the cash and skip the part where they quiz him, and film it? Unless it’s staged and that’s even more deranged. You nullify the good deed when you do those things.

I would feel much comfier writing about an act of kindness someone did for me, talk about how it helped and the gratitude I felt. That’s an idea I can get behind.

And it just occurred to me that I should shut up and write that story!

*Photo by Tara Winstead: https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-in-white-and-black-striped-long-sleeve-shirt-wearing-black-sunglasses-8386712/