What To Strive For In Life, How Close Is Family, and Is Unhappiness Okay

Gregory Stock, Ph.D, The Book of Questions prompts — What do you strive most for in your life: accomplishment, security, love, power, excitement, knowledge, or something else?

Our children are raised. I am comfortable and loved. Elder status in my culture is my power. I am excited about daily life and all that is going on in life. Many years ago, I decided to be a lifelong learner, and I try to learn something new every day or revisit something important.

Something else is giving back for what I have been given. I was told we keep what we have by giving it away. My recovery means that I sponsor and support others wherever and however I can. I train others to do the work that I now do minimally.

Gregory Stock, Ph.D, The Book of Questions prompts — How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

We are doing pretty well. We have no one not talking to us as the grandparents. We can get in touch with all of our children and grandchildren regularly, if they don’t reach out first. That is a big job with seven children and twenty-eight grandchildren.

Then, as long as we stay in touch with the grands, we see our great-grandchildren.

Growing up, there was a significant loss when I was ten years old. My dad died on my birthday. That has impacted most birthdays. I figured out how to celebrate the month, rather than the day, and that has helped immensely.

Today, I look at life as it happens, and I wouldn’t want that early loss of a parent to happen to anyone. I always knew I was loved, and that was important, as many people don’t know that.

I went from an alcoholic, addicted family to a recovering family. We have one child struggling that we love and pray for. I have two siblings who continue to struggle with addiction. Same thing with them, I love them and pray for them.

Gregory Stock, Ph.D, The Book of Questions prompts — Do you feel your children should be sheltered from unhappiness? What from your childhood has proved most valuable? most difficult to overcome?

I learned feelings aren’t good or bad, they just are. Then later I learned we have three ego states, and the child state is emotions. The parent, adult, child theory of Eric Berne and transactional analysis. To switch out of that state sometimes it just means to change chairs. I learned that in psychodrama.

I don’t believe my children should be sheltered from unhappiness. Not at all. I also don’t believe they should suffer in silence. I’m sure there were times they hated having a mother in the counseling/therapy business, though, as I believe in therapy and support groups.

What was most valuable growing up was being socialized in the Native American culture. The stories I heard, the values, and everything else.

Growing up in an alcoholic family is difficult. It was important for me to break the alcoholic family rules I was taught. Don’t trust, don’t feel, and don’t ask questions.

I wanted my children to trust, so I never promised something I couldn’t carry through with. Feelings were okay, no matter what. Even when your teen hollers that they hate you. It was okay to send her to her room and talk about how that is hurtful later or the next day.

Then, adding an explanation of how feelings are okay, but how you express those feelings with those kinds of outbursts can mean trouble or being grounded. Asking questions was answered by their stepfather most of the time! LOL. I learned that, because he said, the kids have so many questions all the time, and I couldn’t remember the last time I was asked.

Then I remembered sending them to him by saying, “Ask Doug.” And they did until they didn’t ask me again, as Doug was willing to answer all of their questions. He wasn’t raised in an alcoholic family, and didn’t get the same rules.

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First published by Mercury Press on medium.com