What the critic says

Ever-conscious of my limited talent as a poet, I recently wondered if generative AI could help? Not to write the poetry of course (please give me some credit) but to critique my work. To run through my draft, give an opinion on the quality of the work, perhaps even make suggestions for improvement. I thought I would give it a try and here's what it says about the poem I fed into the system.

This is a powerful and evocative piece, brimming with a palpable sense of confinement and longing for liberation. You've effectively conveyed the feeling of being trapped within one's own physical form.

Oooh... I like that. Either I did a good job on the poem, or my AI buddy (in this case Google Gemini) has been programmed to flatter in answer to such questions. Well, I did find this feedback quite flattering and it also confirmed that the intending meaning within the work had come across, at least to some extent. It has given me an element of confidence in the work.

All of which means that I can now add to my list of ways in which AI can be made to be useful:

1. Helping to boost one's confidence in one's abilities as a writer
2. Providing objective feedback on one's written work

Just in case you are wondering which work I submitted to AI for review, it appears here, and was entered into the Tattoo this line challenge:

I am often unsure about my poetic work, as I have absolutely no faculty as a poetry critic. I can't easily tell if what I have written is good or bad poetry. I have no schooling in poetry or literature generally and most of my written work over the decades has been functional non-fiction.

I therefore input the following request to Gemini and included my draft poem in full…

Critique and provide suggestions:

• "This weighty flesh doth restrain me
• I cannot seem to break free
• From this shell that binds
• Holds my mind and body
• To ransom merciless
• Cruel captor relentless
• How I strive to liberate
• This inner me that correlates
• So little with its mortal shell
• Trapped within I fret and will
• Ne'er find comfort or repose
• Locked within these living clothes
• These bones and blood, this fleshy carriage
• Drives me nowhere but into darkness
• I cannot be at home within
• This ever-pressing captive skin
• Belonging not to all it holds
• I feel the transience of my world
• I durst strive to emancipate
• These dove-like wings inchoate
• That long to spread
• Yet dread
• The falling of this fledgling
• Spirit that must remain it seems
• Within these softly walls this present
• I feel I'm but a temporary resident

In addition to the general (and positive) comment quoted above, Gemini provided a wide ranging commentary. It included strengths, weaknesses and suggestions.

It may be worth noting the “example incorporating a suggestion” near the end of the critique. At the risk of seeming arrogant I think the original I wrote is far better than the suggested alternative.

What do you think?

Why not try asking Gemini or your favorite AI to critique your own work?

Did the AI critique help to improve my work?

I made two or three tiny changes based on the AI feedback. To that extent Gemini helped me to improve my work. Otherwise, as I have said, the app gave me some confidence that, overall, the poem had broadly achieved what I set out to achieve.

The poem itself…

Temporary Resident

… remains my own work written without the help of any AI app other than minor bits of research. I also used other digital tools such as spell check and Google search. For some reason the expectation is that we must admit to using AI but not other online tools. Such is technofear. I see no sense in it.

Here is the rest of the AI critique for reference:

AI generated text follows

Strengths

Strong Central Metaphor: The core metaphor of the body as a "weighty flesh," "shell," and "cruel captor" is consistently maintained and effectively drives the poem's emotional impact.

Intense Emotion: The language is charged with feelings of frustration, desperation ("ransom merciless"), and a yearning for something beyond the physical ("dove-like wings").

Sensory Details: Phrases like "weighty flesh," "bones and blood," and "ever-pressing captive skin" ground the abstract feeling of entrapment in tangible, sensory experiences.

Figurative Language: The use of metaphor ("living clothes," "fleshy carriage"), simile ("dove-like wings"), and personification ("cruel captor relentless") enriches the imagery and deepens the meaning.

Rhythm and Flow: While not strictly adhering to a specific meter or rhyme scheme, the poem possesses a natural rhythm and flow that carries the reader through the speaker's internal struggle. The varying line lengths contribute to this ebb and flow.

Sense of Transience: The lines "I feel the transience of my world" and "I feel I'm but a temporary resident" introduce a poignant layer of existential awareness.

Areas for Potential Development

Rhyme and Meter: While the current free verse approach works, exploring a more consistent rhyme scheme or meter could add another layer of musicality and emphasis. However, if you intentionally chose free verse for its sense of unrestrained emotion, that's a valid artistic choice. If you were aiming for rhyme, some of the near rhymes ("binds"/"mind," "correlates"/"will") could be strengthened or adjusted.

Specificity of the "Inner Me": While the desire for liberation is clear, the poem could benefit from a slightly more specific glimpse into the "inner me" that feels so disconnected from the physical. What are its qualities? What does it yearn for specifically? This could add depth to the feeling of being trapped.

Avoiding Clichés: Phrases like "into darkness" are somewhat common. Consider exploring more unique or surprising ways to express the negative consequences of this confinement.

"Inchoate" and "Durst": While these words fit the tone, ensure they are used intentionally. "Inchoate" perfectly describes something just beginning, but "durst" can sound slightly archaic. If that's the intended effect, it works, but consider if a more contemporary word might have a similar impact.

The Ending: The ending with "temporary resident" is thought-provoking. You could consider expanding slightly on the implications of this transience. Does it offer a glimmer of hope or further emphasize the feeling of being out of place?

Suggestions

Explore Sensory Details of the "Inner Me": Instead of just stating it "correlates so little," try to describe the feeling or essence of this inner self through sensory language. For example, "This weighty flesh doth restrain the light within me," or "From this shell that binds the vibrant hum."

Vary Sentence Structure: While the current structure is effective, experimenting with more varied sentence lengths and structures could create different pacing and emphasis.

Sharpen Imagery: Look for opportunities to make the imagery even more vivid and original. Instead of "fleshy carriage drives me nowhere but into darkness," perhaps something like "This fleshy carriage drags me through a landscape leached of light."

Consider a Turn or Shift: The poem maintains a consistent tone of frustration. Introducing a slight shift in perspective or a moment of reflection could add complexity. For example, a fleeting memory of freedom or a questioning of the nature of the "inner me."

Example of incorporating a suggestion

Original:

• How I strive to liberate
• This inner me that correlates
• So little with its mortal shell

Revised:

• How I strive to liberate
• This vibrant core that beats within,
• A melody this shell can't spin.

Overall, this is a compelling poem that effectively conveys a profound sense of inner conflict. By considering these suggestions, you could further refine its impact and resonance. Your strong command of language and evocative imagery are evident throughout.