What is a Silent Beauté?

​A silent beauté is a moniker that allows for interpretation. You can be literal and say I'm a deaf pageant queen, or symbolic saying that it’s a beauty that has no words or does not speak upon itself such as flowers or sunsets. Additionally, you can be figurative and say that it’s charisma that radiates from within and slowly seeps to the surface. I think it’s much simpler than that. In my opinion, I’m a beautiful person, inside and out, that just happens to be deaf/hard-of-hearing (HOH).

​One day as I was sitting by the pool having a moment of self-reflection, I realized that my experiences in beauty pageants while I was hearing was completely different than the beauty pageant I participated in as a HOH woman. At the surface, both were similar in execution, purpose, education, judging, and platform. So, what made the experience is different for me?

In the hearing world, I felt the societal pressure to be something others wanted in order to be able to fit into stereotypical aspects of what a woman of worth it supposed to look and act like. It was like an anvil weighing on my shoulders, and I tried to hold it all my life while keeping a smile on my face and not showing how hurt I really was.

​I know I'm consistent and treat everyone with equity, because I have faced discrimination, prejudice and bias repeatedly (more so after losing my hearing in 2006) and I don’t want anyone feeling this way after interacting with me. Yet, I am aware that I keep my personal life out of professional settings. I value my privacy, but I guess I can understand how others would interpret that as being guarded. My personal goal is to re-evaluate myself at least once a year (this is key to becoming a better/stronger person). Although I am due for another one, my last self-reflection showed five strengths and weaknesses: action-oriented, compassionate, workaholic, protective, and friendly. There is some symmetry; although, it is not the same (that's a topic for another day).

Losing my hearing in 2006 turned out to be a blessing. When I was fully emerged into deaf culture for the first time during the 2011 Miss Deaf Texas Pageant and Ambassador Program, I realized that it was harder to guess how people wanted me to be. As a result, I had no choice but to show them who I really was. It was like the anvil finally fell off my shoulders. In my mind, there was absolutely no way that I was going to win this pageant, because I had no experience in deaf culture until I walked into the hotel the first day. At the end of the week, the majority voted to have me named Miss Congeniality, and I was approached by several little girls (of diverse races) after the pageant who thought I was really a queen. That was my “aha” moment. All this time, I was beautiful but keeping it a secret. Now, I call myself The Silent Beauté as a reminder that I need to always be true to myself and show people who I am, unapologetically.

Because of my friendliness, building a rapport with people comes easily for me. Reflecting on my strengths and weaknesses is challenging since I criticize myself worse than outsiders. Therefore, I don't openly show weakness, so it is perceived that my strengths overshadow them. In the past, I was aware of the impression I give to people – good and bad. I also know that it differs greatly from their initial impression when they met me (it’s obvious in their facial expressions). As a result, I am to cultivate the areas which I need work and sustain my strengths. The real question is: are these really my strengths and weaknesses? Maybe it’s time to bring in outside opinions. What do you think? Do I fit the mold of #TheSilentBeauté?