Unburdened

Have you ever experienced the fear of judgment when sharing your thoughts or presenting to a group? Those nagging doubts—what will people think? What if they say I don't know what I'm talking about? Who am I to discuss these topics? These thoughts used to overwhelm me, and if you've been in a similar situation, you likely understand that fear.

Our apprehension about how others perceive us is deeply ingrained in human history. Back then, survival relied on close-knit communities. We hunted, built shelters, and protected one another in tribes and clans. Being part of the group was essential because isolation often meant death. Fast forward to today, and our society has changed significantly. We no longer face constant threats from predators, and we possess the means to provide for ourselves. However, our innate need to belong persists, even though it doesn't always align with our modern reality.

The fear of social exclusion has transformed with the advent of social media. Likes and dislikes became a measure of validation and visibility. The number of supporters can become addicting, pushing us to prioritize popular opinions over genuine self-expression. This pressure can lead us to compromise our authenticity, shaping our thoughts, photos, and statements to cater to others' expectations and win the algorithm's favor.

The influence of social media is such that even beloved influencers and creators can seem to lose their authenticity, focusing more on pandering to algorithms than staying true to themselves.

It's as if they say you have the freedom to speak, but only when the microphone is switched off. In my formative years, I often experienced a sense of being distinct. Certainly, I had friends and desired to be part of the social fabric, but I harbored inquiries about the universe that most people seemed averse to discussing. Who, in their right mind, wants to engage in conversations about topics like death and the afterlife during recess on the school playground? Due to these contemplations, I often felt like an outlier, akin to a puzzle piece from an entirely different set. Consequently, I grew up apprehensive that others would perceive me as strange and unlike them. To mitigate this, I made considerable efforts to conceal my existential concerns in order to conform, just like everyone else.

f you're reading this now, there's a strong likelihood that, like me, you were once a child who grappled with the fear of being disliked to the point where you concealed your true self in order to avoid standing out as different. If you find yourself in that situation still, I implore you to stop placing an excessive emphasis on the opinions of others and commence living your life authentically. While it's natural to care about what others think, it can become detrimental when we undergo significant changes solely to gain their favor. You'll derive much more joy from your time on this planet if you choose to embrace your true self, and if someone rejects you for it, it's a clear sign that they were never the right fit for your life to begin with.

Now, if this seems somewhat idealistic and removed from reality, I understand. The unfortunate truth underlying this whole concept is that we do require fair judgment from others at its core, as it's what enables our society to function. We collectively agree on what constitutes law, and those who transgress it face judgment. We also adhere to certain shared moral principles, and those who violate them risk societal ostracism. In school, at work, and within our broader society, we all experience being evaluated.

Keep in mind that it's ingrained in our nature to be concerned about what others think, and deviating even slightly from that inclination means going against our very biology, which is never a simple feat. However, the encouraging news is that it's something we can actually achieve.

The initial and most vital realization is that everyone, just like you, grapples with their own insecurities. When we venture into the world, we're frequently so preoccupied with our own self-doubts that we mistakenly assume everyone else is fixated on us and passing judgment. Yet, in reality, more often than not, just like you, people are so preoccupied with their own concerns that they rarely focus on anyone else. And when they do criticize or speak out against us, they are frequently projecting their own insecurities onto us, attempting to bring us down to alleviate their own self-doubts. It's crucial not to let them succeed in doing so.