The Weak Side of Jenny

Jenny had always been known for her infectious laughter, smile and boundless energy. Growing up with her lovely mother was the best thing that has ever happened to her but beneath her radiant exterior, a storm was brewing.

Jenny started withdrawing from social gatherings she once enjoyed and found it increasingly difficult to muster the energy to even get out of bed some days.

The Inner Turmoil deep inside her was overwhelmed with feelings of sadness and emptiness. She couldn’t shake the persistent sense of guilt and worthlessness, despite her outward success and popularity.

In some days, she will have a breaking point where she couldn’t bring herself to leave the house. The weight of her thoughts and emotions became suffocating that she found herself in tears, unable to explain why she felt so utterly lost.

Depression manifests uniquely in each individual, there isn't a single person, story, or experience that universally explains how it alters the lives of those who suffer from it. Even in the company of loved ones or in social gatherings, depression and loneliness can still deeply affect us. It resides within Jenny, and while she struggle to convey its positive impact to others, she also find it difficult to envision how her life can change.

In her experience, depression manifests in various ways in her life. It shatter the barriers she have painstakingly built over years in relationships, leading to chaos. There is this gut-wrenching loneliness, constant anxiety, and numbness that she struggle to determine that is very agonizing.

Loneliness and anxiety dominate her life, profoundly impacting her in a different ways. Often times an overwhelming sadness will grips her, but she will conceal it behind a smile.

Even when she’s with friends, enjoying herself outwardly, deep inside her, she feel an intense isolation. There are moments she long to cry, seeking solace, yet find herself unable to.

Whenever she returns home, its offers no relief, It was a profound solitude that weighs heavily on her.

However, her mind keeps convincing her that she’s alone, unloved, unwanted, and misunderstood that she finally realize that she’s truly isolated in her own world. “I came into this world alone and will likely depart alone, so what is there to fear” She will often sing it to herself.

The most devastating part of her is the fact that she constantly feels terrible about herself regardless of her past experiences, the distortions in her depression impose something she strives to believe as she feels she is not worthy of love, companionship, and acceptance. She sometimes surrounded herself with amazing people who assure her they care, but sometimes she can't help but feel it's all just a facade."

It is incredibly difficult to shake the belief that no one will ever truly understand who she is or what she is going through. She sometimes shares her experiences and thoughts on things that will be of benefit for people but her constant feeling of loneliness persists, despite being surrounded by lovely people, she feel overwhelmed on the verge of an anxiety attack, unable to express herself fully.

Regarding the numbness, it's hard to put into words, but it's like a phase where she feel absolutely nothing. She pretend to be happy and show normal emotions with friends, although not always convincingly. When she’s alone, she simply can’t stop caring about anything."

Depression isn’t something anyone could simply wash away, It is a journey that taught resilience and empathy on the face. This is a reminder that even the brightest souls can be weighed down by darkness and requesting for help comes with a courageous step.